Ode to Giovanni

TW: death, sex, pain

I loved Giovanni

I loved his name, the way he spoke, the way he thought, the way he pulled us in deep

The way he fell in love

With David

The way he became obsessed

With a man who could never love him back, who would never let himself

Love him back.

A man who was trapped in an adamant society

Trapped in a skin of superficiality, a skin of ignorance

A man confined to a rigid role, a rigid reality

A man confined to the Garden of Eden

A man unwilling to bear with the beast

Within himself

A man who could only live within himself,

Or that beast would awaken.

A man inextricably bound to his author

Inextricably bound to me.

They fell in love in Giovanni’s Room.

A small room, strewn with empty bottles

Cardboard boxes

Heavy red wine, seeping on the floor

String

Leather

Concrete

Filth

A mess

In here, Giovanni was rotting.

This was the evidence of his turmoil

His torment

The grief of his sex

The pain of his past

In here their love sprouted

In here their love died

Died within the disorder

Of that wretched room

Died in the denial

Died because they were trapped

Died because neither could escape the other

Died because neither could face himself

And so we pushed away Giovanni

Because he was too much

Because he had liberated himself

While we continued to lie to ourselves

His liberation cost his life

Giovanni knew

That we loved our purity

That we loved being clean

That we loved to deny

Deny our pain

Deny our desires

Deny our love

Deny the death of our innocence

Giovanni knew we would forever be trapped

In his room

We are trapped

Because Giovanni didn’t die at the guillotine

He still lives in our turmoil and torment

Every there is Giovanni

We revolted and repudiated

We couldn’t run from his room

Baldwin knew

“Nobody can stay in the garden of Eden”

David, Baldwin, and Me

“Au revoir, Giovanni.”

Editors: Chris F., Nicole O.