Dear Asian Youth, As kids, we dreamt about being doctors when we used toy stethoscopes, dreamt about being scientists when we mixed random substances together, and dreamt about being engineers when we built Lego sets. Our imagination and curiosity got the best of us, questioning how the world worked around us, and attempting to come up with out-of-the-box answers, which would later pertain to our studies in STEM. One of the most popular reasons why people pursue a STEM degree is its objectivity. However, applications in a career, such as the healthcare industry, often arise moral and ethical quandaries. The classic example of a moral and ethical quandary is deciding who should be prioritized on the organ donor list, while the most overlooked, yet prominent examples involve racism and racial bias. It is expected that people who specialize in medicine and biology should not be racist. After all, as scientists, it should be a no-brainer that every human is made up of the same chemical composition and functions the same way. However, racism in STEM industries persists, endangering the lives of many BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People of Color). In many past studies, Black people have been used as subjects without proper compensation or knowledge of the ongoing studies. For example, the 1932 Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment involved six hundred Black, male sharecroppers who were promised free healthcare by the Public Health Service in collaboration with Tuskegee University. 399 of those men had syphilis and were never notified of the disease - one that is contagious and deadly when left untreated. However, they were told they were treated for “bad blood,” given ineffective methods, and prevented from utilizing syphilis treatment programs in their communities. By 1947, the establishment of penicillin as the standard treatment for the disease caused the study to lose funding. However, the study continued to actively examine untreated syphilis. The experiment did not terminate until it was leaked to the press, but by then, twenty-eight men had died, forty wives had contracted the disease, and nineteen children were born with it. It is no coincidence that all participants were Black, impoverished, and illiterate. These scientists clearly saw their lives as disposable and treated them as lab rats. Because of this unethical study, Black patients now have less trust in the medical system than their white counterparts. Studies conducted by Stanford Medical School and the University of Tennessee found that after public revelation of the Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment, the life expectancy of Black men over forty-five reduced by a year. The reason for this is that those of a similar demographic to the participants developed more distrust in doctors. Thus, the Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment scarred generations of Black people from seeking proper medical help. Racism in STEM clearly has larger implications of damage than those directly affected, and continues to hinder these demographics from receiving proper diagnosis and treatment. Another example of unethical studies is when parents were misled to believe they were signing up for a free child-care program at Johns Hopkins University in the 1970s. Blood samples of 7,000 young boys–95% of which were Black–were checked to determine whether they had an extra Y chromosome. This was done to investigate the conjecture that boys with XYY are more likely to be criminals. The children’s blood results were given to courts to use as they pleased, further contributing to systemic racism, as the courts justified their discrimination. Black people are more likely to be disproportionately affected by prison experimental abuse due to the high Black incarceration rates. Pseudoscience, such as the previous example, directly correlates to white supremacy. The origin stems from social darwinism, where Darwin’s natural selection theory about the survival of the fittest was implemented into societal issues. As a result, scientists justified experimenting on African slaves, viewing Black people as inferior. Even hundreds of years later, Hitler favored eradicating everyone who did not fit the Aryan race, allowing his scientists to conduct inhumane tests on those kept in the internment camps. Thus, science has been manipulated to support racial agendas. This instance is not the only one of Johns Hopkins taking advantage of the Black community. Henrietta Lacks, a Black woman, was treated for cervical cancer at the university in 1951, where a sample of her cancer cells were taken during a biopsy and sent to Dr. Gey, a cell biologist at the Johns Hopkins hospital. Unlike the other cells Dr. Gey had retrieved, Mrs. Lacks’s cells doubled instead of dying. Eventually named HeLa cells, they have been continuously used for cancer cell, virus, and drug research due to their unique life span. Overall, these cells have helped the progression of scientific research immensely. Henceforth, the cells have brought in hundreds of thousands of dollars profit for the researchers. However, her family still has not received any compensation from the university, and was unaware of its phenomenon until 1975. Ted Slavin, a white man, had an abundance of antibodies for Hepatitis B that he was able to sell and create a business out of collecting blood from others like him. It is evident why Ted Slavin did not have this valuable information hidden from him and was able to profit off of his cells, while the Lack family has yet to see compensation for Henrietta’s contribution to science. In yet another instance of medical research abuse: in 1950s Puerto Rico, women unknowingly signed up for the largest scale human trial of birth control, without knowledge or consent of harmful side effects. Three women were found dead, but their deaths were not reported and autopsies were not performed, despite strong circumstantial evidence linking the two. Racial biases within scientific research reveal ethical violations that have yet to be dealt with. Medical racism kills. I have seen social media posts of nurses saying they cannot ignore “I can’t breathe” or people comparing that doctors can lose their licenses due to malpractice, while police still have their jobs after abusing their power. However, the healthcare industry is more complicit in racial death without receiving punishment than most realize. An example is of a live video of Jessica Love Burnside, a Black woman, who exposed nurses finally assisting her son as he goes into cardiac arrest after multiple requests for help. While Seth made it out alive, it is important to note that many others like him were medically discriminated against and didn’t survive, nor delivered justice. According to data from the CDC, in 2017, Black women are two to three times more likely to die from pregnancy-related causes than white women, and the Black infant mortality rate is more than twice as much as any other race. Even with increased education and income, Black women have the highest maternal mortality rate. Statistically, the average lifespan for Black individuals is six years less than white individuals, Black adults are 40% more likely to have high blood pressure, and a Black woman is 71% more likely to die from cervical cancer than a white woman. In a Harvard study, Nancy Krieger found that being born in a Jim Crow state “heightened Black women’s risk of being diagnosed with tumors that have a worse prognosis” (Felschder). Kreiger concluded that the increased discrimination has correlation to breast cancer ER status, driven by non-genetic factors. Thus, the stress from racism can contribute to poorer health. Social determinant factors emphasize health disparities. Even today, during a time of a global pandemic with COVID-19, Black people face discrimination from a virus that does not genetically discriminate, because their communities are being affected at a disproportionately high rate. A Yale study found that the Black American mortality rate for COVID-19 is 2.4 times higher than the white American mortality rate. Systemic racism contributes to this large difference. Black people make up the majority of essential workers and economic factors such as the racial pay gap prevent affording healthcare. Their communities tend to be higher density, limiting the social distancing needed to flatten the curve. As the pandemic persists, it highlights inequities stemming from systemic racism, impacting healthcare access. Fixing racism in STEM fields requires curriculum changes. On June 10th, 2020, more than 5,000 scientists and two prominent scientific journals went on strike to protest racial inequalities in their fields. Black and Hispanic workers make up 9% and 7%, respectively, of the STEM workforce. As demonstrated by the numbers, diversity and representation in STEM definitely must increase in order to decrease racial bias. A 2016 Pearson nursing textbook falsely stated that “Blacks often report higher pain intensity than other cultures.” Students pursuing a medical degree should be required to take classes regarding racial disparities and take a psychological evaluation regarding racial biases before practicing. Racist medical students should be exposed and punished, ruining their careers before they kill any innocent people. The common citizen sees scientists dressed in white coats and equipped with a kind smile- benevolent and objective, ready to serve and save lives. But perhaps the real issue does not lay in a glass slide beneath a microscope, and instead in the hearts of far too many: racism is the deadliest yet most unnoticed virus alive. - Tia

The employer thought about the two men; they were equally qualified—maybe one had slightly better speaking skills than that of the other, but both were amazing candidates for the position. He sighed, looking down at the two resumes and the jotted notes from the interviews, knowing that he had to make a choice. But, in the back of his mind, he had already chosen the person who would look better for the company. Michael had waited all day for the email, pacing back and forth around his parents’ house, hoping and praying. Reloading the page of his email account, his heart pounded loudly in his chest as anxiety and anticipation raced through his blood. Ding! The notification of a new email popped up from the company’s manager, and Michael’s finger, without hesitation, clicked on it. He shut his eyes for five seconds, wishing one last time for him to be able to get this job, and opened. Unfortunately, we have chosen someone else for this position. Thank you for your time. Again—it had happened again. How many times was he going to make the final rounds before being the second choice to a white man? Within the last 60 years, the rate of unemployment for African Americans has been almost twice that for white Americans. The situation above isn’t shocking, especially since many businesses choose white candidates over Black candidates in order to “maintain” the image of their company. This type of systemic racism is one that the world has gotten too used to seeing. What is systemic racism? This phrase is one many of us have heard via social media, reading the words without much association, understanding that it is important yet being too lazy to search up the meaning—this may not be all of us, but it is too many of us. Systemic racism is racism that has been embedded into societies, such as discrimination within education, employment, criminal justice, annual income, and political systems. Racism can be broken down into two broader forms: individual and systemic. Individual racism consists of an individual’s actions and beliefs that perpetuate racism. Because of the historical laws that hindered Black people from pursuing greater futures, they live with the burdens and consequences today, which many Black stereotypes have been built upon. The beginning of Black stereotypes, including those that cast Black people as criminals with poor and uneducated backgrounds or people who engage in wild and beastly behavior stemmed greatly from the film industry. Birth of a Nation, a famous movie from 1915 that gained a lot of popularity from the American public, portrayed Black Americans via white actors. These Black male characters were sexual predators, preying on innocent white women, weird, and the opposite of a “composed and well mannered” white person. Unfortunately, this shaped much of America’s views on African Americans from then onward, influencing the negative ways Black “male predator” stereotypes play into current issues of racism. Throughout history, African Americans have often been portrayed as monsters in the media. The Central Park Five incident, where five young teenage boys were wrongly sentenced to prison in Rikers Island after being accused of raping a white woman, was unjustly covered by news companies. These young boys were described as “beastly” and “deserving of a death sentence” despite the heavy lack of evidence for a conviction. Nonetheless, due to the public pressure exacerbated by news headlines and the media, these young boys were branded criminals, until the real rapist came clean many years too late. Events like these have impacted the way we portray Black Americans, creating the stereotype of them being uneducated, scary, and poverty-stricken. But how do these stereotypes come into play? Systemic racism has slipped views of Black people as poor, uneducated druggies into society. Behind these perceived labels is a system created to give Black communities second-hand lifestyles compared to whites in the forms of housing, education, healthcare, employment, and other benefits. Redlining, a concept conceived in 1930, allowed banks to deny loans or mortgages to people who were mostly Blacks. Banks used red ink on maps to identify parts of a city at higher risks, and these neighborhoods were assigned to Black and Latino families. This practice prevented Black people from living in more affluent neighborhoods. Location is integral when it comes to accessibility of education and resources, so ultimately, the practice of redlining made it difficult for Black communities to receive adequate forms of education. Some of the most prominent examples of systemic racism occurred during the Jim Crow era. Jim Crow Laws were created by white supremacists as a reaction to the abolition of slavery and the introduction of rights granted to freed slaves. In the 1896 court case Plessy v Ferguson, the Supreme Court concluded Blacks and Whites should be separate but equal, thus furthering income and resource disparities between the two races. This “separate but equal” doctrine drove restaurant owners to deny Blacks the right to dine in, posting signs like “white only” and reminding African-Americans once again of their second-class citizen status. Even public facilities such as bathrooms and water fountains segregated whites and Blacks. And to no surprise, African-American children were not allowed to attend the same schools as their white friends. Many stereotypes of African Americans have risen from systematic racism—for instance, the assumption that they are being uneducated comes from the difference in education the two races are offered. The quality of education Black people received was not something they could choose; it was forced upon them. Knowing this, how can we abolish these stereotypes and prevent the continued pertinence of systemic racism? It starts from our own efforts, whether that be an uncomfortable conversation with a friend or family member, educating ourselves through reading about race relations, the history of slavery and African American treatment in the United States, and watching documentaries. We must have these conversations in order for change to be brought about, for people’s mindsets to transform into being completely and utterly anti-racist. We need to choose Black lives, hire them, read about their history, stand with them in protests, and support them. Until we ourselves are educated to make the moral decision to be committed to being anti-racist, racism will continue, and more and more damage will be done. - Hannah and Josie Redlining: Segregation during Jim Crow Era:

Dear Kanye West, We heard that you were running for president. We saw your tweet, saw “#2020VISION,” saw our future crumbling to pieces, saw the doubt and distrust in your God’s words, saw the quilt of our nation tearing apart, thread by thread. Here’s our 6 precedents on why we won’t vote for you. Dear Swag King Cole, Dear Christian Genius Billionaire Kanye West, You hold countless names for yourself, yet the list only goes on, “The cure for cancer,” or “the number one human being in music”, “The greatest artist that God has ever created” How badly do you crave attention? It seems as if you need the world’s eyes on you to live, to breathe, Study me closely, praise me, worship me, God, Drown me with your compliments Until I am satisfied. Dear Konman, Dear The Louis Vitton Don, Does basking in your own spotlight spark joy? In your Bible, does Jesus tell you to ruin women's lives, Does Adam whisper for you to give yourself credit because “You made that bitch famous?” Did King David advise you to feel bad for Bill Cosby, You are the only image you hold in your mind, Held to the tallest pedestal, the highest power Power that was handed to you by God Dear Malcolm West, Dear Martin Louis the King, Jr., When you talk, not tweet, about how your ideas are not valued, it's because pain has no currency. No credit card can regain thousands of lives, can amount to the tears soaked into the soil of America. Your sheer disregard for the hurt, anger, and vengeance people feel after their fathers’ fathers’ fathers’ fathers are ripped from their lands to pick cotton for your 500 dollar torn shirts makes even Lady Liberty want to journey back to France. So when you say slavery is a choice, that 400 years of people worked without pain, you are paying off the freedom song you sing. Dear The LeBron of Rhyme, Dear K-Rock, When you speak for God, sing for God, you cry “Hallelujah,” when in truth, all you are praising is the outline of a light born of riches and aesthetics. The lyrics you chant represent barrels and mountains of hope, but when it comes to you, we must ask permission to be in the presence of your “God” God seems to be a business to you, where you can trademark His love, slap it on souvenirs and sell it in his name. Because we all know it is easier to earn money than faith. Dear Omari / 'Mari, Dear Evel Kanyevel, As Americans, we want need a strong leader. The current one has dropped his compass deep into the ocean floor. Blindly, he reaches and claims that the south is good, but not too far down south. But can you, a false prophet, remagnetize that compass? Because, north somehow is west and Chicago is now west as well. We need leadership where left is left and right is right and northeast doesn’t contradict with southwest. How can we follow you when you drift from institutions that carry meaning to us and have rallied our beliefs into parties. These parties where the champagne of democracy is served in red solo cups because you have not partaken in the democracy you want us to hand to you. Dear Mr. West, It’s always stories like yours that make it to the screens It seems that the screams of the protestors and young leaders who fight For a shift in the status quo always seem to face shellacking, A result that you have caused, You and your torrid moves that play politics like a game of Monopoly, You and your “Happy Birthdays” that mortgage our citizens welfare, So no. You are the only one celebrating. ye.

i. concealer Conceal your true feelings. Conceal the fact that you’re falling apart. Conceal your dark circles and stress breakouts. Conceal. You’re better than this, she thinks as her throat closes up, the book she had been studying from falling out of her hand. Inhale, 2-3, exhale, 2-3. Deep breaths, happy place, happy place, think of Hawaii and London and the bookstore. Don’t think about the test next period that will make or break your calculus grade for the semester. Don’t think about your English essay that’s due at 11:59 pm tonight. FORGET. Steel your nerves. You are fire, you are shakti. FORGET! But she can’t. She can’t forget, because all she hears in her head is a tiny little voice that soon becomes a roar, screaming at her, taunting her existence and efforts to stay afloat. FAILURE. BITCH. OVERSENSITIVE. NERD. UNDERPERFORMING. IMPERFECT. She wishes it would stop, but the odds are not in her favor. Her eyes are rimmed with tears, surrounded by circles of black and purple. She applies her concealer and puts a smile on her face. Forget. Keep up the ruse. Don’t let them see your battle scars or you will be weak to them. (So she puts on her concealer and avoids her problems for a little while longer.) ii. foundation Her foundation in life had always come from school. School had always been her happy place, her anchor in a stormy sea of life. The one thing she could always count on was school. But then her world was shaken, and her foundation crumbled. She started to run. If she actually stopped to think about it, she had always been running. Running away from her insecurities and her constant fear of failure and her preppy high school. Running on coffee and Tylenol and four hours of sleep. Running towards college and med school and promises of a golden future. Everything would work out as long as she kept on running. It didn’t matter if she was running on empty, a car on its last drops of gasoline. It didn’t matter if she was running herself ragged, torn between school and sports, debate team and honor society, volunteer hours and science fairs. It didn’t matter if she was running so fast that she might just collapse in a pile on the floor, her body wracked with sobs and her breath coming up short. She balls her hand in a fist and punches the wall in frustration and determination to stop this nonsense. It’s ridiculous to cry in her safe spot. (Because even if her foundation was crumbling day by day, she would cake her face in foundation and it would all be okay.) iii. bronzer & blush She really needs a tan and a mental health day, but bronzer and blush will have to do. Her skin is ashen and pasty, an ugly shade of yellowish-brown that makes her look perpetually ill. Anemia, the doctors say. Lack of iron in the blood. Her mother begs her to slow down, but she soothes her fears with assurances of pills and therapy. She stops the pills (more like forgets them) and ditches therapy. Bronzer makes her look like she has a summer tan year-round, giving her a healthy glow that puts her mother’s worries to bed. The blush makes her look alive, even happy again. The act is easier to keep up if she can look the part. (Who knew that some simple blush on the cheek and some bronzer on the bones could fool everyone?) iv. eyeshadow & mascara Eyeshadow makes her look more mature, and mascara makes her eyes stand out. She was never that pretty (despite fielding offers of dinner and a movie), just ordinary at best. She can feel the stares of the other girls and wants the endless streams of tears to stop (she’s pretty sure the droughts in California could be solved by her tear ducts and a bucket). She wants to feel pretty all the time and wants them to buy her act, wants them to eat it up like ice cream with a spoon. Her eyes are what draw people in, creased with subtle shades of brown and mauve and ringed with jet black mascara that makes her brown irises pop. She engages everyone she meets, slowly convincing them that there is nothing to see, nothing abnormal about her. She is merely the smiley, happy-go-lucky genius girl that has nervous breakdowns in her bathroom. Nothing special. (Because if her eyes are the windows to her broken, shattered soul, she wants them to at least look pretty.) v. lipstick & lipgloss Red is a power color, she thinks to herself. Her crimson lips are slightly parted as she faces the crowd. Hundreds of people, all staring at her, a china doll about to break. Months of work have led to this moment, her presentation on Ireland’s stance on the Palestinian humanitarian crisis. She’s become even worse. It’s all become even worse, the stress and the anxiety and the breakdowns, but a nice dark lip with some gloss on top makes her feel better. She can feel the power radiating off of her, the awed stares from everyone in the room, but all she feels is panic. The tears start to fall, and she bites her lip hard enough to draw blood (thankfully she wore red lipstick, so the blood merely looks like extra shiny lip gloss). Breathe and focus on your makeup. She feels tempted to swipe at the ruby-red droplets staining her lower lip but is afraid of destroying her carefully curated facade. She just has to survive a couple more years (she almost cries at the thought of another week; a year seems like a lifetime away). College is supposed to be a respite. A safe haven. A little slice of heaven on earth. And yet, to reach heaven, death is a requirement, a prerequisite if you will. She’s killing herself to make it to college; she sometimes wonders how she will ever make the most of (or maybe even enjoy) college if she is already a half-dead shell of her former self, pulling all-nighters and downing four cups of coffee a day. The voices continue to haunt her dreams. The little person in her head is pounding, demanding to be let out. She wants to let the person scream bloody murder, but she silences the thoughts, hoping that for one more day, the dam will hold in her tidal wave of emotions. Her legacy is strength, beauty, and poise, not hysterics and breakdowns. (As she reapplies her lipstick in the fancy hotel bathroom, with extra-shiny lipgloss on top, she wants to let her armor down, let the facade crack just a little. She composes herself and walks out of the bathroom door to face her reality.) Sometimes life can become overwhelming. For Asian kids especially, we feel the pressure to perform, achieve, and succeed in all aspects of life. It's hard to confront how difficult it is to do everything we're expected to and and also deal with what that pressure does to our minds. Although we all feel different things and react to pressure and stress in different ways, this is my way of expressing those feelings. I hope at least one person can find some comfort in knowing that it's okay to feel this way too. Biography: Kayla Patel is a senior in high school and a proud Indian-American. She spends her free time reading, watching crime shows and Lilly Singh videos, and listening to Bollywood music. She is also a writer and the Director of Current Events for July Fire Magazine and have received awards for her writing at the national level. You can find her on Instagram at @kpatel_6.

Dear Asian Youth, It’s been more than two months since Trump’s declaration of a new policy to restrict international university students to stay in the country angered the public worldwide. Around the same time, international students are being denied a chance at higher education in China, and no one seems to know about it. A policy set on June 10th, 2020 by the Ministry of Education of the People's Republic of China is prohibiting international students who reside in China from attending Chinese public high schools and universities. This policy is said to be in effect starting January 1st, 2021; that’s in about 4 months’ time. The only conditions that qualify you to pursue Chinese education as an international student are: Both parents of the international student are not official Chinese residents The international student is of foreign nationality Foreign passport has to be issued at least 4 years prior to attending school in China International students must live 2 years abroad prior to attending school in China If you do not fulfill every single condition, you are essentially ineligible to be provided higher education. This policy does not seem too harsh at first glance, but it is actually very damaging and unreasonable. As individuals who are Canadians by nationality and currently attending international high schools in Shenzhen and Beijing, China, we are considered the ‘international students’. However, because we attend high school in China, we are hereby banned from applying to any Chinese universities as an international student, despite studying under the International Baccalaureate curriculum (a globalized educational system). Many international students, ourselves included, have considered attending Chinese universities as a viable option. Now, unfortunately, that is no longer possible. The only alternatives now are to participate in the yearly National College Entrance Examination for all students, commonly known as 高考 (Gao Kao), or leave the country to pursue education elsewhere. Now, many may argue that international students can just participate in Gao Kao like regular Chinese students, but this is nearly impossible. Just because students live in China does not mean they are receiving Chinese systematic education. In 2017, there were an estimated 564 international schools in operation in China. Just think about the number of international students that attend those schools! The Gao Kao encapsulates all the concepts from the four years in Chinese high school education. This standardized test is notorious for how advanced the questions and concepts are. This test puts immense psychological pressure on Chinese students, as it completely determines their four years of academic work and what type of universities they are eligible to attend. International students who did not receive Chinese systematic education should not be demanded to take this same entrance exam. It is already a daunting endeavor for Chinese local students, even though they’ve been preparing for it their entire high school career. Now mandating that international students must take the same examination is completely unreasonable, outrageous, and only adds to the students’ stress levels. There is little to no media coverage about this topic, which is very concerning considering the number of people that it affects. The problem with this policy is its lack of flexibility and how targeted it is. Many international students attend school in China due to their parents’ jobs and do not have a choice when it comes to where they reside. Furthermore, some international students may want to attend the school where their families live (in this case, China), and can no longer be with them. Therefore, this policy neglects to acknowledge the students’ situations. Additionally, students graduating in 2021 planning to attend Chinese universities have now had their dreams taken away from them suddenly. Many have been preparing their applications and making arrangements prior to the enactment of this policy. While most international students in the U.S. have the opportunity to apply for financial aid or scholarships, it is the opposite in China. According to China’s government website, in 2019, only 63,041 international students (12.81%) received a certain amount of government scholarships, and 429,144 (87.19%) were self-funded completely. The government is failing to consider all the valuable time and energy wasted by families and students who expected a bright future in a foreign country. They gave these students zero heads-up and sprung such a groundbreaking policy right before the new school year. What angers us most is the lack of advocacy for this topic. There is a very large stigma around being an international student in China, and many Chinese residents have some pretty gruesome views on international students. For example, we are often portrayed as dogs. We are seen as useless or worthless, lazy bums that leech off of our parents’ money. They tell international students to “go back to where they came from”, believing that we are taking away their educational resources. Not only that, but there is also the common misconception that only “dumb” students who can’t get into a good school in their own countries would come to China. These negative comments have a large impact on international students’ academic performances and may hinder them from thriving academically or socially. A case study back in 2011 shows, from a group of Chinese international students, 47.5% of students showed symptoms for depression and 48% for anxiety. Keep in mind, the numbers are only expected to rise, and the global average depression rate in comparison is only 20%. (University students are excluded in this research and statistics.) If this was in the United States, comments like these made towards international students or any minority group would be called out harshly. Nonetheless, the Chinese public allows these comments to fly, and many have claimed to be in strong support of this new policy. The discriminatory nature of this policy is dousing the dreams of many international students who currently reside in China, and it demonstrates the underlying bias against international populations. This is not merely about getting into a university; we are talking about the future and aspirations of many students. No one outside of China seems to be aware of this policy change; it’s hard even to find information about this policy on the internet. Therefore, no one is able to provide help. It is extremely important to raise global awareness about this new policy and the detrimental impact it can bring to those wishing to study in China. We have not found current petitions or donations open for this cause, so we ask everyone to please email 12391@moe.edu.cn to report this policy with this template: https://docs.google.com/document/d/12FQkYDf7nEP9poy7jpCCe4RE2DkO8bFG5psAH_MOhoQ/edit?usp=sharing. - Eva and Emily

i watch my grandmother butcher a silver fish. it looks like the one in the picture book at school today, stand up now child. scatter pointed scales across your eyelids, slice down length-wise, bathe in its yellow veins, i beg you. find home amongst tears in flesh, hold forked tongue, but pray, continue— lick the white paint off dirty half torn streets until red breaks asphalt, remember child, nián nián yǒu yú: every year there is fish. some fish for you, and some fish for me, but not enough for everybody at sea. you can only carry those leaden arms for so long, you may try and try and try to carry everyone, but you will sink. when the sun dips the trees in its carnage, she takes the fin from her mouth and places it in mine, lay down, bite. Biography: Sabrina Mei is a junior at Richard Montgomery High School in Rockville, MD. Her work has previously been recognized by the Scholastic Art & Writing Awards, John Hopkins University, Montpelier Arts Center, and the Yellow Barn Studio. In her spare time, she enjoys rereading Sherlock Holmes and watching an objectively excessive amount of cooking videos.

My name is Rita, and I am a 19-year-old student living in Toronto. When I immigrated to Canada eight years ago, I began a journey in a land that changed my life forever. Canada is a home that welcomed me, embraced me, and provided me with every opportunity that I never dared dream of before. But there are millions of people left in my country, Syria, who continue to suffer and fight for basic human rights every day. Syria is currently in its 10th year of war. Ever since the beginning of the civil unrest in 2011, millions of innocent citizens were killed, tortured, forced to relocate, starved, and stripped out of almost every basic human right. Right now, there are over 9.3 million people who are food insecure in the country. That is more than half of the population, and this number is rising every single day. Syria is suffering, and it is suffering in many unimaginable ways. Above 80% are below the poverty line, meaning that many families are forced to choose which kids they can feed every night. Over 6.5 million people are internally displaced and living in camps with very minimal supplies. Schools and hospitals were destroyed by bombings and airstrikes, and children were killed in several chemical attacks. Right now, the price of meat is too high for many families, and the economy is flatlining. In fact, the first positive COVID-19 case was just confirmed in Northwestern Syria, and the spread of this virus will cause very dire and disastrous conditions within the area. Although I left Syria in 2006, my family members were deeply affected by the Syrian civil war, which began in 2011. The most affected was my grandmother, who spent months trying to seek refuge in a place that would protect her. With the rise of tensions during the revolution, my grandmother, Nadia Khalouf was left with no option but to leave everything behind and embark on a life-threatening journey away from persecution. Despite old age and serious medical conditions, she remained resilient in the face of struggle and determined to find freedom in a foreign land. My Grandmother Nadia is a powerful short memoir that describes the heart-breaking and hopeful experiences of a refugee senior who survived in the sea, in jail, and in the hands of smugglers across Europe. I decided to write this memoir so that I could spread awareness about the plight of refugees everywhere, as well as fundraise for families left in Syria who really need help and support. To me, awareness is the first step to taking action. I hope that this memoir inspires someone to work towards raising awareness about an issue they are passionate about. I believe that youth have the power to make significant differences in the world, and it all begins with the desire to create change. My Grandmother Nadia is available for order on Amazon, and it costs just $2.99 CAD. All royalties will be donated to families living under unprecedented conditions in Syria. Where to Donate to Help Syria: - Syria Relief and Development: https://srd.ngo/main_donation/ - The White Helmets: https://www.whitehelmets.org/en/ - Syria Emergency Task Force: https://www.syriantaskforce.org/donate - Molham Volunteering Team: https://molhamteam.com/en/cases Link to buy the book on Amazon, including reviews on the book (available in 10 other Amazon marketplaces): https://www.amazon.ca/My-Grandmother-Nadia-Journey-Refugee-ebook/dp/B08BY1CHYX/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=my+grandmother+nadia&qid=1595208290&sr=8-1 Link to a video that talks about the dire situation in Syria, the purpose of the book, and family receiving the donations (also available on my Instagram account as an IGTV): https://youtu.be/Yj2d1sY_F8o (Total views on Rita’s personal social media outlets: 12,400) Biography: Rita Audi is a nineteen-year-old activist currently pursuing post-secondary education in health sciences. She was born in Syria and moved to the United Arab Emirates when she was six years old before immigrating to Canada at the age of twelve. For several years, Rita has worked to support marginalized communities and raise awareness about different global issues. Currently, she is the regional lead of clubs for Girl Up Canada, an executive member of the Minister of Labour’s youth council, a compliance analyst with the G20 group, and a research assistant for women in the postpartum period. Outside of social advocacy, she enjoys spending time with her family and listening to her grandmother's stories. Rita earned two pilot licenses by 2018, which is why she believes that the sky is the limit when it comes to empowering others and serving the community. Instagram: @rita.audi

Have you ever had the feeling of alienation? Of being afraid that people will realize you are just sustaining a facade behind which all your incompetencies and insecurities lie? That you are not actually deserving of your successes? Many people actually feel this way day in and day out. Deep down, they feel as though they are mere charlatans whose valuable life experiences take root in fortuitous luck. In fact, even prominent figures like Maya Angelou and Albert Einstein, despite their far-reaching accomplishments, bore feelings of fraudulence not unlike everyone else. What is Imposter Syndrome? Imposter Syndrome (IS) is a psychological phenomenon that reflects the tendency of a person to perceive his or her faults as grounds for inadequacy of accomplishing goals despite evidence of achievements. First identified by psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes in 1978, IS has been characterized as a repository of frustrated feelings and disbelief in one’s talents and capabilities. Through research, light has been shed on its prevalence as it manifests in people from various backgrounds, social statuses, and levels of proficiency. Imposter Syndrome is having the belief that your threshold for competence is not the same as those of others, thereby overriding feelings of triumph and jubilation and resulting in inability to internalize and embrace your own accomplishments. High achievers often suffer from this chronic internal experience, so IS does not necessarily equate with a lack of self-esteem or self-confidence. Types of Imposter Syndrome In her research, Dr. Valerie Young uncovered patterns in people who encounter feelings of pretense stemming from a set of strict internal standards to which they attempt to adhere. Listed below are her five generalizations: 1. Perfectionists These people set very high expectations for themselves. When they feel like they have come short of reaching what they originally set out to do, they undergo fits of questioning their self-worth and competence. In addition, they have difficulty in delegating tasks, for they always strive for their works to be executed with utmost accuracy and finesse; when they do entrust the accomplishment of a piece of work to others, they often feel like they could have done so better themselves. 2. Experts People with this competence type feel the need to always expand their body of knowledge to the point where they can safely say that they have acquired sufficient information for them not to be established as inept or unknowledgeable in their field. They aim to have a spotless resume so as not to shy away from the possibility of seeming inadequate to others. 3. Natural Geniuses Natural Geniuses believe that the speed of mastering something takes precedence over the significance of efforts exerted. In addition to having unreasonably high expectations just like the Perfectionists, they ascribe their being competent not only to their ease of doing things but also to getting these right on the first try. 4. Soloists People of this type believe that reaching out to others for help is an indicator of their inability to sustain independence to do things on their own. They refuse and altogether shun assistance so as to prove their worth, blinded by the viewpoint that victories are mutually exclusive from interdependence on others. 5. Supermen/Superwomen These people incessantly push themselves to excel in all areas of life to prove they are not frauds. They often feel a lot more stressed when they are not working for the pursuit of something, convinced that spending some time for self-recuperation is a waste of precious time. This framework of thinking, however, can very likely take its toll on their mental health and relationships with others. How Do You Cope With Imposter Syndrome? Although there is no one definite means of mitigating feelings arising from an obsession grounded in seemingly perpetual self-consciousness, below are some suggestions to help combat IS: ❏ Recognize your feelings. Take due time off to have some introspection for the thoughts and emotions that consume your mind. May it be through writing, listening to music, or making art, allow yourself to accept that feelings are just as important as concrete actions. Try your best not to inhibit negative and often gloomy thoughts from flowing, for they too contribute towards self-improvement once properly dealt with. ❏ Have a realistic assessment of your thoughts. Try to make sure that your thoughts are rational and have reasonable grounds for taking up your time. Consider the context in which you are in, and have this serve as the basis to which you evaluate how you are feeling. ❏ Stop the comparison. Albeit easier said than done, refrain from the toxic tendency of comparing yourself with other people. Everyone has his or her own set of troubles and pace in handling them, as well as distinct characteristics and personal values through which he or she operates. Similarly, engage in social media moderately so as not to be pressurized by several mere misconceptions circulating in the internet. ❏ Share your feelings. In some instances, you may not even be aware that you embody signs of Imposter Syndrome. One way to know whether you do is to share what you feel with someone. Bottling up your emotions can very likely lead to further frustrations and notions of self-incompetence which can fester when concealed and not talked about properly. ❏ Reframe failure as learning avenues. Do not let insecurities, setbacks, and failures get the better of you! Feelings of inadequacy and incompetence may arise, but these are nothing when compared with the experiences and learnings that you would be adding to your repertoire. Things may be difficult, but there is always more than one way to go about them and succeed. ❏ Baby steps. Be kind to yourself. Although striving for flying colors can help shape you into a more persevering and courageous version of yourself, also be mindful of its excessiveness and how working too much with undue pressure and effort can slowly drain you. Imposter Syndrome can manifest in people from all walks of life. Often correlating with social anxiety, feelings of fraudulence leave people berating their own performance due to an addiction to self-perpetuating improvement and frustrating, perfectionistic ideologies. Due to its pervasiveness across humanity, referring to Imposter Syndrome as a syndrome almost downplays its manifestation in everyday telltales of anxiety surfacing from the burning desire to fit in with peers and in the institutionalized constructs imposed by society. Encouraging feelings of imposter can also cost people a sense of comfort and happiness when they engage themselves in rest and activities that help maintain their well-being. In light of this, we should all be aware of the incisive fact that no threshold of accomplishments can appease one’s chronic worries. Rather, it is the journey and lessons learned that truly make a lifelong impact on him or her. The concept of Pluralistic Ignorance also comes into play when people doubt themselves privately and believe that they are alone in feeling the way that they do since no one else voices his or her own troubles. This mentality can prove to be very toxic as it causes people to downplay their own capabilities. They tend to lay in juxtaposition their internal experiences alongside just the external image that others project, manifesting bias towards their own nagging anxieties, feelings, and idiosyncrasies, all the while romanticizing others’ experiences. All these in mind, it is important to remember that the people around us are not entirely strangers. This is for the reason that they too exhibit characteristics that may be ingrained in us. We are, truthfully speaking, encountering people who, in spite of surface evidence, are very much like us. Taking into account our flaws and shortcomings, it is contrary to the nature of humankind to believe that we are capable of doing everything, and doing so with unparalleled skill at first attempt, for mistakes are vital towards authentic self-actualization. References: Harvard Business Review. (2008, May 07). Overcoming Imposter Syndrome. Retrieved July 11, 2020 from https://hbr.org/2008/05/overcoming-imposter-syndrome The Muse. (2020). 5 Different Types of Imposter Syndrome (and 5 Ways to Battle Each One). Retrieved July 11, 2020 from https://www.themuse.com/advice/5-different-types-of-imposter-syndrome-and-5-ways-to-battle-eachone Time. (2018, June 20). Yes, Imposter Syndrome Is Real. Here’s How to Deal With It. Retrieved July 11, 2020 from https://time.com/5312483/how-to-deal-with-impostor-syndrome/ Very Well Mind. (2020, May 01). What Is Imposter Syndrome? Retrieved July 11, 2020 from https://www.verywellmind.com/imposter-syndrome-and-social-anxiety-disorder-4156469 Chronic doubts about ourselves and our capabilities may, more often than not, plague our mind. These can lead us to question our worth and often bring it to comparison with others'. Don't worry, because this happens even to the best of us! Especially during these unprecedented times, it is totally acceptable and justified to feel as though the world is crashing down upon us; it is not easy to proceed with our daily activities and tasks without the subliminal worry of "Am I doing enough?" or "Is what I'm doing productive?". In this piece, learn more about the rationale behind Imposter Syndrome and its different forms.

Dear Asian Youth, As back-to-school season creeps upon us once more, one cannot help but feel anxious about the upcoming year. Sure, this summer hasn’t been a typical one with pool parties and backyard cookouts; instead, it's been filled with paranoia of how education will be taught amid the imminent threat of COVID-19. After the scramble teachers faced last school year with countless districts suddenly deciding to transition to online learning, many states are advising- or even mandating- that school begins online, giving ample time for preparation in hopes for a smoother transition. Yet when this period of mandate ends, students and parents alike will be forced to decide whether to attend in-person or online school. This choice is not an easy one. Online school is so dependent on familial environments, and many students have trouble focusing at home, but it follows social distancing guidelines and reduces the chances of spreading COVID-19. However, if a family chooses to send their child to school, in theory, they are providing a more impactful education and immersing their child in a normal, school-like environment (as normal as it gets now). This, of course, comes with the consequence that they are increasing the chances of spreading COVID-19. Simply put, there is no straightforward answer. The "right choice" is completely subjective depending on a number of factors. With no foreseeable end to the pandemic, we must rely on the statistics and, from there, our intuitions to make these risky decisions. For those that are required or want to remain online, there are notable advantages and drawbacks. On the surface level, it prevents the spread of COVID-19. By separating people who are asymptomatic or have mild symptoms from their healthy peers, we have the potential to save countless lives. Though many claim that children are less susceptible to spreading or contracting the virus, the evidence of that claim is weak and provides no clear explanation as to why that occurs. Moreover, online school allows students to have more flexibility with their schedules. In-person schooling takes large amounts of time away from home so, in turn, by choosing not to attend school in person, students can pursue side projects and hobbies in their free time. Not all students have the ability to dedicate long hours to focusing on schoolwork, especially in front of a screen. Online schooling allows for breaks to occur at the student's discretion and may increase precocity for certain individuals. In addition, online schooling omits the need to pay for transportation and other supplies such as binders, backpacks, and folders. For low-income families, this can help make schooling an easier process so that they may reallocate money to other areas of need. Despite all of these benefits, the consequences associated can be particularly harmful to specific student groups as well. In more impoverished communities, according to the New York Times, “younger children and those in lower-income districts do not learn as well online as they do in person.” Many families have had to choose between health risks and money, despite what they prefer. In the long term, this wealth gap persists. Wealthier families who do have access to more resources have a clear upper hand in both education and health/safety precautions. In addition, for students in their teen years struggling mentally with limited environments, prolonged time away from friends and diverse personalities, online school can trigger symptoms of anxiety, depression, and lower creativity and imagination levels. On the other side, interactive schooling can seem both daunting and promising. For more experienced students, in-person schooling has already become a normalized concept. From a young age, students are taught that school is a place of education and learning, and home is a place of relaxation and after school activities. By reimmersing students into previously associated places, it theoretically promises better results than those of online education. Moreover, the transition to face-to-face education can, in contrast to online schooling, boost morale for those who have not seen their friends and encourage growth and positive feelings associated with school. Finally, for those who just need to have their pre-pandemic lives restored, in-person schooling is the easiest way to reinstall that environment (with appropriate equipment of course!). However, there are drawbacks that have many rethinking their choices. Though children allegedly have a lower rate of contracting COVID-19, this in no way means the virus will simply disappear. Those who do get the virus can then transmit it to their parents, which are far more at risk, and then their parents may spread it to coworkers, and eventually their grandparents. In short, it puts an entire web of people at risk. In-person schooling is a gamble of safety that is difficult to control, and just by performing daily tasks, the chances of transmission skyrocket. Besides such, it is difficult to know how well school will work with social distancing and masks. Many schools are overpopulated and leave very little room for air to circulate. For schools planning to open for face-to-face schooling, the Center for Disease Control (CDC) recommends that facial coverings should be worn at all times, faculty and staff regularly wash their hands, management provide hand sanitizer with an alcohol content greater than 60%, and social distancing at least six feet apart be enforced. As educational tools for elementary school, the incorporation of activities that teach the importance of hygiene and facial coverings is also being thought of. For middle school, short videos and engagement in classroom discussions on how to properly wear facial coverings and why they are required. For high school, lesson plans and essay topics on cloth masks and other precautionary measures as a source of control and protection will also be weaved into the curriculum. It is difficult to tell what the future will hold. There is so much to debate, and without the data we need, it is almost impossible to know what is best for the students around the world at this time. Take care of yourself and make educated decisions! -Allison Li

Dear Asian Youth, “You're canceled.” This phrase has been thrown across comment sections, articles, and chats throughout the internet; so much so, that it has developed into its own culture around it. The term “Cancel Culture” has become an infamous multi-definition word ranging from a sarcastic response to a distasteful joke, to holding companies, organizations, and celebrities accountable for harmful actions. Cancel Culture came from a somewhat ironic and humorous origin which has since been redefined by activists into what it means today. According to the Vox article, “What is cancel culture and why do we keep fighting about cancel culture?,” cancel culture started as a “misogynistic joke” in response to the song, “I’m Single” by Lil Wayne. In the song, he quotes the line, “Yeah, I’m single / n***a had to cancel that b*tch like Nino,” an apparent reference to a sexist joke from a 1991 movie New Jack City when an abusive character Nino Brown says, “Cancel that B*tch. I’ll buy another one” when referring to his girlfriend who breaks down over his violent actions and he subsequently dumps her. The term, “cancel culture” started to appear across various social media platforms for celebrities or organizations' harmful and problematic actions, and was initially used as a “joke” to express discomfort for odd or abnormal behavior. However, it has most notably been used when a celebrity said or did something that was socially insensitive or hurtful. Cancel culture often goes hand in hand with “call-out culture” which has a similar name, but different origin. Call-out culture originated back in the 1960s and ‘70s when activists would call out another person's insensitive platform or misuse of a word or phrase either in private gossip or public statements. The two have become largely intertwined in modern-day as each have become a tool of accountability. These cultures have been amplified by social media where any singular person has the ability to reach thousands of people from a single tweet or post. This has made both cancel and call-out culture incredibly controversial as many people question the actual effectiveness of “calling out” and “canceling” celebrities and organizations alike. Call-out Culture has sat in the center of controversy with a long history in many social justice movements. Often when activists would call-out a political leader over their dangerous or often discriminatory policies to bring about greater awareness. However, it has also been weaponized to tear apart movements from within. In an article by the New York Times published in 2019 titled I’m a Black Feminist. I Think Call-Out Culture Is Toxic by Loretta Ross, Ross discusses her issues with call-out culture and the history behind it. She states, “I sharply criticized white women for not understanding women of color...I rarely questioned whether the way I addressed their white privilege was actually counterproductive... We believed we could change the world and that the most powerful people were afraid of us. Efforts like the F.B.I.’s COINTELPRO projects created a lot of discord. Often... discrediting them (activist) through a call-out attack.” Call-out culture was not only a medium of education, but also a weapon used to discredit those that pushed for change. The use of call-out and cancel culture is an incredible power with dangerous consequences. Another article by The Guardian discussing call-out culture quoted former President Obama on the topic stating, “If I tweet or hashtag about how you didn’t do something right, or used the wrong word or verb, then I can sit back and feel pretty good about myself, because, ‘Man, you see how woke I was. I called you out.’ That’s not activism,” Unchecked “Call-Out Culture” has become an incredibly toxic and discouraging space, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it isn’t also a powerful tool for activism. Understanding the great complexities of Cancel Culture and Call-out Culture can help push towards greater change in society, but in the wrong hands, can be a divisive weapon that destroys movements. This brings me back to the origin of cancel culture and how it was used to call out celebrities’ often problematic and harmful behavior. Less than a decade ago, online activism was in its infancy and often written off by older activists by the derogatory term “Clicktivism.” The seemingly random calling out of anything that a person found offensive coupled with the broad reach of social media created an often toxic and problematic culture. The issue with ‘Clicktivism” ran so rampant that even former President Obama spoke out against it. Yet, in the following years, and especially with the rise of #MeToo and the Black Lives Matter Movement, social media has become a formidable way for activists to organize, educate and yes, cancel. Calling out and canceling when done right is a powerful tool for change. Canceling is using social media to call out, boycott, protest, and also publicly shame a person or organization for harmful actions they have committed. This is often followed by withdrawing support either financially or socially. Deplatforming a person or organization to draw attention to the harm they have caused forces the person or organization in question to address the issue, learn why it's wrong, and enact meaningful change. In a recent article, I wrote on the topic of Transformative Justice. I find that many aspects of “canceling” and “calling-out” are intertwined. Transformative justice is the idea of a community and survivor-based justice system. A big part of this is understanding the root cause of harm, how a person's actions or a community’s attitude play a role in perpetuating harm, while also rehabilitating and re-educating perpetrators of harm. The first step to this is allowing the survivor to have a space to share their story. Much like the concept of calling a person out. They address their community on the harm a person has caused, and make the community aware of what occurred. What often happens next is what would be considered “canceling” that person. Making that person aware of their actions and bring about reparations that force that person to address and understand the harm they caused. Now I understand there is a fine line between bringing justice and mending harm through calling out and canceling which must be taken into account. The often problematic and toxic aspect of calling out and canceling a person or organization through public shaming or boycotting is that it can often worsen the issue. It leaves the perpetrator feeling ostracized and alienated from their community without understanding why. Canceling takes away a person's platform to prevent them from continuing to perpetrate harm. However, if this “canceling” is not followed up with a way to educate them on the harm they caused as well as a plan in which that person can make amends, then there was no use in canceling. Cancel and call-out culture walk a very fine line in today's world, especially in activism. When utilized properly they can be powerful tools to transform our justice system, hold people to a higher standard of accountability, educate, and inform. However, when in the wrong hands, it can be a destructive tool for petty drama and hate. Our society and future are shaped by our actions and we have a great responsibility to use these tools wisely. - Chris Fong Chew Sources: https://www.vox.com/culture/2019/12/30/20879720/what-is-cancel-culture-explained-history-debate https://www.nytimes.com/2019/08/17/opinion/sunday/cancel-culture-call-out.html https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/nov/01/call-out-culture-obama-social-media https://www.instagram.com/conflicttransformation/

Dear Asian Youth, I remember the day my language was stripped away from me. I remember the day my words were choked, frozen, and brutally processed through the cruel system of casual racism. Ching chong. I remember the day I realized that my small eyes, yellow skin, and black hair made me different from all my peers. Ching chong. I remember feeling so alone because of my identity. Ching chong. I’m stuck in my middle school cafeteria, mindlessly tossing out the contents of my lunch. My spoon, a mint, a box of apple juice, a thermos of fried rice, and a bag of grapes. The mint, given to me earlier by a friend, flew onto the table, inconsequential for the time being. My peers chatted around me—it was a day like any other. The dingy, puke yellow walls of my school’s cafeteria didn’t bother me; I’d gotten used to them over the last two years and calmly continued to set up my lunch. I didn’t feel the urge to participate in the conversations around me; I had just gone through a long math class and couldn’t muster the energy to converse. Instead, I chose to listen contently as I slowly picked through my lunch. That was the last time I was unaware of my Asian-American body. Ching chong. “Hey, can we have that mint?” I turned around in surprise to see two girls staring at me. I didn’t even realize they had noticed my sweets. To me, it really was just a minuscule candy. I was almost tempted to give it to them just to save myself some trouble. Honestly, I always liked sharing my food with others. Ching chong. “Sorry, it’s mine. Maybe another time?” Agency, control, independence. Normally, those would be admirable qualities in a fledgling woman. No, you cannot have this candy. Yes, it’s mine to consume. Ching chong. Feeling proud that I had so calmly refused them, I turned around to face my friends again. I was known for being shy and cautious, your classic worrywart. However, having claimed that mint, thus successfully controlling that small aspect of my life, I felt at ease. The deed was done. And, for a while, nothing did happen. It was still a day like any other. “Ching chong.” “Ching ching chong.” I paused in confusion, maybe I misheard something. The cafeteria, after all, was notoriously loud. A hundred or so students, maybe more, all laughing, talking, screaming at once. Yes, I misheard, I must have. “Ching chong.” Quick giggling. “Ching chong, ching chong, ching chong.” And very suddenly, that day became a new kind of horror. I was stuck in my seat, too afraid to turn around and face those shocking remarks. My mind paused itself and blanked out while the cafeteria faded into grey noise. My heart chilled, dropped into the Arctic Ocean, and trekked across a frozen wasteland. But worst of all, my body refused to move. I found myself drowning in that moment of dread forever. And it happened all because of a mint. Ching chong. I always knew that people saw me differently. The places I grew up in all had a good share of diversity—my best friends were from Mexico, Korea, and Russia. But I always knew that I was Chinese, and most of my friends were not. In the depths of my mind, I knew that. Even though I was born in America, I would always be seen as small eyes, yellow skin, and black hair rather than American. My body, which was also composed of the foods that I ate and the language that came out of my mouth, inevitably separated me from my peers, despite the fact that, like them, I identified as an American. But I had never been confronted with these facts. I knew them all to be true, but I lived my life embracing my differences and my rich culture. I never knew that my differences could be used against me. For the first time, I knew that some people would choose to hate my differences rather than celebrate them. I couldn’t comprehend how anybody could crudely simplify and mock my language just because I refused to give them candy. Maybe they didn’t know it would hurt me so much. Maybe they didn’t know the extent in which their insults affected me, that I would clearly remember them years later. Maybe it wasn’t such a big deal. And maybe I should just forget about it. Since that day, I have tried to erase my pain in a million different ways, but my memory remains intact. I’ve tried to relearn Mandarin to reclaim my pride. I’ve tried to abandon Mandarin entirely, switch to English, and was so overwhelmed by the guilt of renouncing my heritage, that I didn’t. I’ve tried to erase that incident from my memory. I’ve tried to confront it in various essays and poems as a type of therapy to process the event. It’s an entirely new kind of fight, trying to embrace the differences between you and others. It makes you deeply examine yourself and the people around you. It makes you dive deep into history and realize that “Ching chong” is hardly a new insult. It has existed since the 19th century, and it rose out of playground taunts like “Ching, Chong, Chineeman, Clear right out of here,” so eerily similar to the situation I faced in the 21st century. And it makes you think about what the future should be—a future where acts of discrimination cease to exist, where children learn to love the differences between them, and where people can coexist in peace while rightfully celebrating their identities. It makes you think about a future of hope, a future that you can help create. Though I’d like to say I’m winning this fight against internalized racism, I know that it isn’t over yet. Especially while writing this story, the dreaded phrase “Ching chong” floats behind my eyes with every sentence I type. Ching chong. Ching chong. Ching chong. I don’t speak the language of pots and pans. My language is more beautiful than you can imagine. It is centuries old, the medium of poets and writers, and my connection to my family. It’s different, but it’s also magnificent. Its dissimilarities from English only serve to highlight its beauty, each language complimenting the other. The foods that I eat, the holidays I celebrate, the body that I inhabit, all exist in the same constellation, but each is its own planet or star. Just because I am composed of a certain solar system, does not mean I can’t admire the many systems surrounding myself. So, the takeaway from this story shouldn’t be that the world is an unfixable or a terribly divided place, but that the differences between people can actually create a better and more diverse world. Now, I prefer to think about how I reclaimed my language. It’s happening right now, this very second, with you reading my story. It’s happening right now, as more and more Asian youth stand up for their rights. It’s happening right now, as I’m surrounding myself with people who love and encourage each other, who fiercely protect and celebrate differences in gender, race, sexuality, and more. It’s happening right now, when you leave these words on your screen and go into the real world to affect change. It’s happening right now, when I say 我爱你, I love you. It’s happening right now, when you say I love you back, in whatever manner you choose to do so, and when you say it to your loved ones. It happens now. - Kaitlyn Fa

I wake up on a Tuesday morning, 6:20 am Sharp-ish The very moment the brow of the horizon shines at its seam A class period away before I hear a jumbled word called A hand flails into the air The mumble of a simple “present” As my classmates welcome their well-known titles But that term upon your lips The one that is mine It might as well be a pseudonym Resembling the structure of my heritage You play with it on your tongue Repeat it twice Once for indulgence The second time for my sake Slightly confused And expecting Barely coherent through muddied senses What else can I say but yes? I’m tired of not caring And as I write it in the upper right margin of my worksheet, Lead to paper in a smooth motion It’s too distant of a phrase Washed out by the lazy drawl of white tongues To the point where sometimes I forget it And sometimes it’s too fruitless to remember It’s happened for a millennium. I know too many stories worse than mine At least mine isn’t forgotten Faded in the yellowed scrolls of immigration Buried with the bones of the conquered It’s easy to pronounce It’s not hard to say, Not at all. 2 syllables 5 letters Where do you get lost? Is it in the spiraling tendril of a root that curls around my last name, The kind that arcs into a family tree Long and winding Within its rings, This vivid ancestry you have no idea lies behind the blanket of bark? Chronicled throughout these circles unseen, all unknown to you. But what’s worse is when you tell me my name is wrong Tell me This well-worn page that I carry on my back And with me every day The soul of the man I was named after ingrained in my own life Interwoven in my own narrative The same pattern rewritten Bernabe, Billy, the one before me His spirit revived in mine Making my name a symbol of honor and veneration— How dare you take it from me and tell me it is wrong that my own identity is a mistake my mother made A birth certificate misprint Because you can’t fathom that even if she was mistaken The name is still my name Who I am in tandem And that by itself shall make it correct No matter what I am permitted to be a mistake. I am no less of a person, No less full of substance, daughter to the soil she has never touched. Don’t write me that hall pass Those symbols of royal blue that pop against pallid yellow Not a falter in your ballpoint pen Insisting that the way you spell it Is the correct way The only way When I tell you it is not. Though you’ll only smile and say “It’s easier this way.” Easier for who? For you? You are not compromising your identity For the sake of somebody else’s comfort. You hack at the boughs of my own mother, Saw at the branches of my father Without even a thought. You condescend me with a terrible smile Taint these grounds where my roots are planted As you burn me, my name, my culture to the ground. This name is who I am What I came from... And it is the title for everything I will be So who are you to tell me who Billy Agustin is?