When it comes down to detailing my identity, I feel as if one aspect influences nearly everything. I am brown, or in a less vague narrative, I am an Indian American that shys away from the sun, having an opinion, or doing what I enjoy without the fear of judgment. “Institutionalized rejection of difference” as stated by Audre Lorde has made me fall a victim and perpetrator of “white-washing”. As if stripping away a piece of my culture and appearance to manufacture and promote the ideals of another, releases a sense of comfort in allowing me to blend in with a larger and more dominant force of nature. These methods include trying bleaching cream and having an anxious fit when my skin turns a shade darker. Or making every effort to differentiate myself from the stereotypes that were made available via television or movies. Or to pretend as if the only language I’m fluent in is English. Society has rejected my differences therefore I’ve chosen to take the easy way out by copying the norms of a dominant force. It wasn’t until I entered a prestigious magnet high school with a history and legacy built on the diversity of its students, did I feel safe behind the confines of a two-story building in the bustling city of Hackensack, New Jersey. Although Bergen Academies gave rise to a minority group (Asian Americans) to be what is considered the majority, I became accustomed and thrived in a community that failed so many subordinates and minorities at the expense of benefitting one. It is crucial to acknowledge that the ways in which Asian Americans gained their acceptance can be attributed to one factor: economic background. I like to call it a purchase of education, in that in order to gain their child an acceptance into one of the most esteemed schools in the state, parents are willing to spend thousands of dollars in tutoring to do so. Yet the conflict arises when most of these parents tend to be Asian or White. Ultimately, discrepancies arise in private education or tutoring services nearly all the time, and I am privileged enough to afford these services and resources to further my education but fail to acknowledge it as likely as I should. Such as, being fortunate enough to seek tutoring facilities after suffering through a day of pre-calculus. Though, Latinos, African-Americans, Pacific Islanders, and Native Americans are repeatedly denied the right to higher education as a result of our ignorance as a community. At 4:10, I find myself on a bus ride home, getting ready to adjust my school-life to my family life. In the confines of my household, I have always found it ironic that my father teaches me while my mom protects me (feeling as if it should be the other way around). During the day, my father stresses the idea of doing our chores and adds a sly comment, “you are girls” after detailing our household responsibilities. It is these microaggressions and enforcements of dominance that creates the notion of historical amnesia in that we become present in a time of chained household wives. Though I can’t blame my father or hold him accountable for his words in that he was raised in a society where women were groomed to meet the needs and wants of their spouses yet he has managed to give my sister and I freedoms that were never made available to my mother and distant family. It’s as if this problem can never be expelled as some act as if misogyny is a deep-rooted necessity that is crucial for the survival and continuity of a culture, social structure, or even nation. While at night, the TV blares with headlines detailing the horrific atrocities of young girls gone missing or being subject to sexualized aggression. My mom stares at her two daughters with eyes of pain and concern as she gives us “the talk” which thousands of girls have heard before. Sexual aggression against women has become a norm that we fail to recognize in that it’s becoming more common than it ever should to have the place at a kitchen table. Consequently, Kalamu ya Salaam details that“as long as male domination exists, rape will exist. Only women revolting and men made conscious of their responsibility to fight sexism can collectively stop rape.” After evaluating my own personal identities, it has become clear that many of us have both dominant and subordinate qualities. In this mere 800 word paper, I failed to mention that I am privileged to be heterosexual, to be able-bodied, and to be a middle-class citizen. Yet I fear being rejected by colleges for being Asian, I fear that my gender will allow some to take advantage of me, and I fear that I’m not enough for society’s standards. Only through recognizing one’s privilege and shortcomings, can we successfully combat oppression at all levels (race/ethnicity, gender, religion, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, age, and physical and mental activity). But that begins with understanding the notion of intersectionality and the ways in which it affects us. Biography: Pooja is a 15 year old from New Jersey that is passionate about socio-political issues. She hopes to raise awareness about these issues through writing, art, and social media.

Our Statement: Dear Asian Youth is shocked by the horrific hate-fueled violence that took place in Atlanta this Tuesday. We strongly condemn the events that occurred, and we grieve for the eight victims and their families. Seven of the victims were women, and six were members of the Asian community. They were all murdered by this horrendous act of xenophobic violence. While we learn more about these people, we extend our deepest sympathy to the friends and family members of those who were killed and the greater AAPI community who have been affected by these incidents. As an Asian-led organization that promotes intersectional activism, BIPOC solidarity, and social equity and equality, Dear Asian Youth stands firmly against racism, misogyny, and white supremacy in all forms. We will continue to uphold our values of diversity, pushing an anti-racist narrative, and inclusion of all identities.We also urge our community to actively participate in doing the same. It is only in solidarity can we foster a safer and more equitable society for all. A shooting rampage in the Atlanta area left eight people dead this past Tuesday. Local Korean sources interviewed an employee of the Gold Massage Spa, who said that the shooter claimed he would “kill all Asians” at the time. Six of the eight victims were of Asian descent, and seven of the eight were women. Four were confirmed to be Korean nationals by the Korean Consulate, and two are believed to be of Chinese descent. This attack targeted three predominantly Asian spas across the Atlanta area. The shooter was arrested three hours later about 150 miles away in Crisp County “without incident.” The shooting comes at a time when the Asian Community is facing a string of hate-fueled attacks across the country. This is not at all an isolated incident. Everything, from the violence that occurred to the response by law enforcement, follows a deep history of xenophobia, racial scapegoating, sexism, and the justification and normalization of the fetishization of Asians — especially of Asian women in the U.S. Many of the recent hate crimes against Asian women are rooted in the perpetuation of stereotypes that deem them “exotic,” “submissive,” and “docile.” This persisting fetishization and hyper-sexualization of Asian women has been shaped by America’s history of imperialism, the legal code, and the prevailing culture. This harmful environment for Asian women can be traced back to the type of labor they were restricted to in the U.S. in the early 19th century. During the gold rush, the US opened up to a new wave of immigrants, many of whom came from China to work in the West. White Americans had begun forming stereotypical opinions about Asian women, and legislators sought to regulate their entry into the US. The Page Act of 1875 was one of the first exclusionary policies and was enacted for the purpose of “restricting prostitution and forced labor.” In reality, the policy was weaponized to systematically prevent Asian women from entering the country under the impression that they were prostitutes and granted white immigration officers the authority to make decisions on whether an Asian woman fit their “high moral standards.” During the US imperialism of the 20th century, this perceived association of Asian women with immoral behavior was further amplified. As American service members travelled abroad to fight wars in the Asian Pacific region, including Vietnam, Korea, the Philippines, and Japan, many engaged in soliciting sex workers and patronizing industries that encouraged sex trafficking, further feeding into the stereotypes of Asian women being “sexual deviants.” The perceptions that Asian women are cheap and disposable workers made them economically vulnerable. The fact that the six Asian women murdered worked low-wage, highly vulnerable jobs indicates this growing impact of structural violence, misogyny, and white supremacy in the US. By ignoring and normalizing the hyper sexualization of Asian women, we are excusing and tolerating this violence. In 2020 alone, hate crimes against the Asian community increased by approximately 150%. However, immigrants tend to avoid reporting crimes for fear of authorities questioning their immigration status. Thus, the actual number of hate crimes in is likely much higher than stated. Most victims are elders, largely unable to defend themselves, therefore making easy targets. Additionally, the COVID-19-19 recession has especially been hard for Asian women, many of whom work in the service sector and face higher risk of unemployment. Many activists have attributed the rise in these hate crimes to former President Donald Trump’s anti-Asian rhetoric, which many of his supporters take at face value. Trump has continually blamed China for the spread of COVID-19-19, calling it the “China Virus” and “Kung-Flu,” and all-around promoting harmful stereotypes that further encourage division, in America. Polls conducted by Pew Research Center reveal that many Americans now negatively associate Asians with the pandemic and its lasting effects. Combined with systemic racism and xenophobia, Asian Americans have taken the fall for a virus that could have been prevented by the previous administration with emergency safety measures instead of endless finger-pointing. As of Thursday morning, the shooter was charged with eight counts of murder. He admitted to the crimes but claimed they were not racially motivated. Instead, he claimed it was a sex addiction and the need to “eliminate the temptation” provided by the spas that drove him to commit the crimes. However, as Congressman Ted Lieu pointed out, the shooter did not relieve his alleged temptations by targeting the employees at strip clubs, adult video stores, or theaters. Instead, he specifically went to parlors that consisted disproportionately of Asian women. Cherokee County sheriff Jay Baker’s explanation that the shooter was having “a really bad day… and this is what he did” was dismissive of the crimes that were committed. The comments shifted the focus from the victims and humanized the perpetrator. A growing trend we've seen is news outlets taking the shooter's identity as a “white Christian man” to paint the image that he isn’t a disgruntled, violent terrorist who murdered eight people on his “bad day.” In comparison, we see the news fail to do the same for the victims. Many outlets fail to tell the stories of the women that were murdered, or even humanize them. We knew the identity of the shooter just hours after the story broke; however, it isn't until three days later that we learn the names of all the victims. Washington Post released a story quoting the shooter's youth pastor before writing a story about the lives and experiences of any of the victims. After the press release, people on the internet found that Baker was also anti-Asian. Screenshots from a Facebook post from March 2020 promoted anti-Asian T-shirts, right when the U.S. went into lockdown because of COVID-19. The T-shirts read, “COVID-19 Imported Virus From CHY-NA.” Baker’s caption to the photo of the T-shirts read “Place your order while they last” and “Love my shirt.” When these screenshots surfaced, the Facebook post was deleted, and Baker refused to comment. The police department’s inability to recognize these crimes as racially-motivated dismisses the actions of the shooter and is an injustice to the AAPI and BIPOC communities. Jay Baker’s racism and anti-Asian sentiment was on display through his debrief and was cemented when the screenshots surfaced. Vincent Pan, the co-executive director of Chinese for Affirmative Action, a civil rights organization, was quoted saying, “coupled with the comments coming out of the news conference, it does not give community members confidence that our experiences and the pain and the suffering that we’re feeling are being taken seriously, at least by this particular person.” The attacks have had a profound impact on the Asian Community and especially Asian women. While law enforcement has yet to call the incident “racially motivated,” many Asian Americans are living in fear. Six members of our community were gunned down in cold blood. Many of us wake up fearful for our lives and those of our family and community members. Make no mistake — this violence was racially motivated. Even if the shooter denies racial motivation, echoing his works is incredibly dangerous. The three businesses that were attacked were all predominantly Asian, or had some affiliation with the Asian community. Do not let the comments of the police, let alone comments from the perpetrator, convince you otherwise. Multiple politicians and people in government have come together to stand with the Asian community in condemning the violence that occurred. President Biden stated: “I’m very concerned, because as you know, I’ve been speaking about the brutality against Asian Americans for the last couple months, and I think it is very, very troubling…I am making no connection at this moment to the motivation of the killer. I’m waiting for an answer as the investigation proceeds from the FBI and from the Justice Department.” Vice President Harris said in a statement: “It is tragic. Our country, the president and I and all of us, we grieve for those lost. Our prayers are with the families of those who have been killed. This speaks to a larger issue, which is the issue of violence in our country and what we must do to never tolerate it and to always speak out against it,” This sentiment was echoed by many fellow Asian American Lawmakers, including Judy Chu who said: “I am utterly devastated to learn about the 8 people senselessly shot to death in Georgia tonight. 6 of these victims are Asian American women. Our community has been facing a relentless increase in attacks and harassment over the past year. As we wait for more details to emerge, I ask everyone to remember that hurtful words and rhetoric have real life consequences. Please stand up, condemn this violence, and help us #StopAsianHate” Right now, as our community is facing increased violence and hatred boiling over from years of dangerous rhetoric, we must condemn and call out incidents of hate when they happen. We must ensure that the narrative is focused on the victims of the crime and not the perpetrators. We must address these crimes in a manner that is not divisive, but conducive to conversation and solidarity within BIPOC communities. We must show up — physically, verbally and monetarily. At the bottom of this article are a list of organizations you can support. Tuesday’s events are a sign that white supremacy is still very much alive and well. The perpetrator does not get to decide if their actions were racially motivated or not. The public gets to decide that. We as a community — and our allies — must speak out against this racism, this hatred and this violence. We must build solidarity with other BIPOC communities, work to educate, and spread awareness to our community’s historical narrative and who we are today. Cover photo source: Shuran Huang for The New York Times Contributors Amber Ting (writer, editor) Chloe Deng (writer, editor) Chris Fong Chew (writer, editor) Hannah Govan (editor) Lillian Han (writer, editor) Maddy Manning-Bi (editor) Eric Nhem (writer) Roshni Chagan (writer) Jessica Sunha Kweon (writer, editor) Julianne Tenorio (writer) Yunseo Chung (writer) Resources and Organizations StopAAPIHate HateCrimeBook NBC News Anti-Racism resources to help AAPI Sources NBC News - Anti-Asian hate crimes increased by nearly 150% in 2020, mostly in N.Y. and L.A., new report says https://www.nbcnews.com/news/asian-america/anti-asian-hate-crimes-increased-nearly-150-2020-mostly-n-n1260264 Washington Post, Head of women’s group says those ‘most fearful to go to work today in Atlanta are Asian American women’ https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2021/03/17/atlanta-spa-shootings-live-updates/#link-CPSX4B3ARBC47LAFZREBYY KGQ New York Times, 8 Dead in Atlanta Spa Shootings, With Fears of Anti-Asian Bias https://www.nytimes.com/live/2021/03/17/us/shooting-atlanta-acworth Washington Post, Atlanta Spa Shootings Live Updates https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2021/03/17/atlanta-spa-shootings-live-updates/ WSLS 10, Atlanta Police Department holds press conference about fatal spa shooting https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Id6NO0oFV8U CNN, A trip to the spa that ended in death. These are some of the victims of the Atlanta-area shootings https://www.cnn.com/2021/03/18/us/atlanta-spa-shootings-victims/index.html NBC News, Georgia Official Under Fire For remarks on Spa Shootings, Anti-Asian Facebook Post https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/georgia-sheriff-s-official-under-fire-remarks-spa-shootings-anti-n1261359 USA Today, Georgia sheriff’s spokesman investigating spa shootings appeared to promote racist shirt https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2021/03/18/georgia-sheriffs-spokesman-jay-baker-appeared-promote-racist-shirt/4745028001/ CNN, Cherokee County, Georgia, Sheriff's spokesperson allegedly posted a photo of a racist, anti-Asian Covid-19 shirt on Facebook https://www.cnn.com/2021/03/18/us/racist-shirt-cherokee-county-sheriff-trnd/index.html Twitter, Thread of Asian American Lawmakers reacting to the deadly shootings in Atlanta https://twitter.com/TheAPJournalist/status/1372047620844048385 Chosun, “애틀랜타 총격 범인, 아시아인 다 죽이겠다 말해” https://www.chosun.com/international/us/2021/03/17/XSDXYLMAQZCC5JWMQ4HGRZGOG4/

The current pandemic does not exist in a vacuum of the binary states of infection, but seeps into, impacts, and is impacted by every aspect of society. Its relationship with inequalities has particularly been thrusted into the spotlight, because of how they directly influence the pandemic’s evolution in such a complex, nuanced, and time-dependent way. Indeed, COVID-19 has changed everyone’s life to some extent, but this extent varies greatly in levels of intensity and precariousness, and often functions in parallel to socioeconomic trends. A sudden, unexpected global pandemic produces loss and uncertainty for all, but a few cancelled holidays and months indoors for some, is the same as risky front-line work, crowded living spaces, and health injustice for others. While some can already see the light at the end of the tunnel, others have been disadvantaged for decades, or even generations and lifetimes to come, as COVID-19 is exacerbating the very inequities at hand. Effective policy responses, therefore, should acknowledge that blanket measures will be less than adequate when alleviating the current crisis, or containing the reverberating ripples of damage that has been sourced from COVID-19. Thus, in addition to this pandemic strengthening existing injustices, it also provides a framework on which important evidence can be highlighted, and used as a propeller for further advocacy, discussion, and change. Sections of society have not had uniform experiences with COVID-19, because of stark contrasts in their lived realities across intersections of race, class, sex, and other demographic features. Commonly being known as the ‘great equaliser’, pandemics are thought of to transcend wealth, race, or location, as a disease that affects everyone equally. But COVID-19 has adversely affected marginalised communities, so much so that the virus cannot be described as indiscriminate. Deeply entrenched health inequalities have been exposed, of which when interacted with environmental and class inequalities, mean that low-income classes and Black, Asian and ethnic minorities (BAME) are most at risk of contracting and dying from COVID-19. Firstly, urban spaces are not independent to racism, but manifest along lines of discrimination, in forms of gentrification, poor designs of green spaces or lack thereof, disproportionate air pollution, and overcrowded housing. Given that racial disparities in urban infrastructure already result in a higher likelihood of ill-health, COVID-19 only magnifies this effect. In a British report conducted to see the effectiveness of green spaces in reducing health inequalities, only 53% of Bangladeshi people reported feeling comfortable using their local green space, compared to 75% of their white counterparts; reluctance was due to feeling unsafe because of poor design and racial attacks. Social distancing and sanitation is more difficult to achieve in crowded housing, of which is more likely amongst BAME backgrounds, when multiple generations live under one roof. In U.K. households, 24% of overcrowding are from Bangladeshi backgrounds, subsequently followed by Pakistani (18%), Black African (16%), and Arab (15%) backgrounds. Developed cities also saw wealthy residents move out of urban areas when the pandemic hit, but such flexible mobility is not possible for low-income residents that have been displaced via gentrification. Marginalised groups have a disproportionate representation in precarious, essential jobs, as well as frontline work, and thus receive higher potential exposure to the virus. In the U.S., women make up half of the country’s workforce, but nearly two-thirds of frontline jobs. 4 in 10 frontline workers are people of colour, and one in 6 is an immigrant- all overrepresented. This is significant because essential workers and frontline staff are often unable to work from home; as low-income workers, quitting their job is also not an option. 30% of low-income households in the U.K stated that losing their main source of income would render them helpless within a month, because of the high proportion of budget that is spent on necessities such as food or rent. These, when combined with the prominent systemic healthcare racism, contribute to marginalised communities’ higher rate of contracting the virus -- and higher risk of mortality after contraction. Indeed, for some, it is a tradeoff between putting no food on the table or a game of life and death. Not only is COVID adversely affecting marginalised communities the most in terms of physical health, it greatly impacts wellbeing in a multitude of other aspects too, and even reverses progress of building a fairer, more equal society that has already been made. Class divisions and uncertainty of income have been exacerbated amongst people that were already struggling; excluding key workers, the majority of low-income workers are in sectors that are forced to shut down- 80% of such people in the U.K. cannot work from home, compared to only 25% of high-income workers. Gender equality has equally been affected, and grievously so - U.K female employment pre-crisis was at record-high, but school and childcare facilities forcing to close has meant that childcare responsibility has burdened mothers more than fathers, halting progress in gender wage gaps. Gender based domestic violence during lockdown has especially been a cause for concern, especially since 2.73 billion women around the world were faced with stay-at-home orders, potentially reversing the progress made in justice for women. What is perhaps most unsettling, and in need of urgent relief and discourse, is the serious social and economic consequences that we cannot witness now, but will be evident in decades to come, as the lives of today’s youth unfold. The disparity in how students and children have experienced COVID is rooted in their socioeconomic differences, and the irony is, that the already grim repercussions of these differences at hand will be accentuated, perhaps even irreversibly, because of the pandemic. In the U.S., some 55 million students below the age of 18 had a lack of face-to-face teaching in 2020, and whilst schools subsequently had contingency plans to carry out teaching online, inequities in access, and quality of technology, mean the resulting disparity in quality and quantity of education received is stark. 64% of American teachers in schools with a large number of low-income students said their students encountered technology, equipment, and broadband constraints, compared to only 21% in schools with a wealthier demographic. McKinsey found that 40% of African-American students received no online instruction during school closures, compared to 10% of white students. Technology is not the only issue; in the U.K., 20% of children within the top income group received private tuition, compared to 9% of people in the bottom-income group. Private schools and better-off state schools are in addition more likely to have learning activities that involve ‘active engagement’ to replace in-person instruction, of which not only complement home learning the most, but rely less on parental time and ability. Since caretakers of students from low-income backgrounds are more likely to be essential workers, and are more inclined to be required to invest time and effort to make their children’s home learning effective, low-income families are most at risk of low educational attainment. School shutdowns impact socio-economic divides in generations to come, not least because of how advantages and disadvantages in one’s life span development accumulate over the life course, and is self-reinforcing in its results. The verdict is, that COVID-19 will leave challenging legacies for inequality. However, it also creates opportunity; the numerous studies and literature that shine a light on the intersections of COVID with social injustices will be important evidence for future policies. Future response to crises must acknowledge that deep inequalities exist, of which need tailored and effective policies that fight prevailing systemic biases. - Jiaying Zhang Cover Photo Source: https://www.gwi-boell.de/en/2020/04/30/invisible-coronavirus-makes-systemic-gender-inequalities-and-injustices-visible

They ask us how we do it It referring to exactly what you think What I thought of as beautiful, blooming In the moment, private and unfazed by gaze Wilts in response to the crudeness That seeps out of cracked soil We talk about our mothers While referring to monsters I say, and she nods Or hint at our monsters While referring to mothers She says, and I laugh Did you know that it can be fun? To find someone who also laughs At eternal, maternal misery Which I carry around in tiny flasks And pour into our drinks To get her to say a few honest lines like We are daughters, not war zones And our bodies were not our own Which I then sip, swallow, and succumb to Because when the truth strikes a match All our scars burn… beautiful… and blooming Imagine dry, lustful branches that become a scorching, entangled ring of firewood that repeatedly peaks into the night sky from friction with every touch Afterwards, we go back to talking about Our mothers, which we refer to as monsters Which explains our mutual fear of explosive people, well-buried mines that left holes in our bodies, in which more monsters appear, lodging and playing We seem to have so much in common, From the basics – queer and female, To foreigners who prefer the hopes of Spring and only wear woody men’s cologne To the shared reluctance on elaboration – What do we mean by mothers and monsters? We are opposites. She is a mathematician, carefully Calculating how much to add on, giving me A detail per day until it sums up to the word war, vague I am a writer, the neurotic, reckless type, who is tired of tiptoeing around metaphors so I respond with a full story, filled with pains and who to blame More importantly, she hides her monsters Ignores them in an attempt to tame their aims While I stare mine down and when they don’t Surrender, I resort to screaming and shouting And fighting and attacking them right back because I learn by example and these monsters were also mothers and mentors She pretends her mine-left holes do not exist while I refill my own Just like how she always stripped me down, over and Over before she uncovered any inch of herself Which was well-hidden under a maze of cloth And hair, around which she had to guide my hand Helping fill my holes without acknowledging her own We talk about mothers and monsters Laugh at our stale pain that we then numb With the taste of each other’s unsaid words What we can’t explain turns us into Monsters to each other, her emotionless and cold Me, violent and scorching They asked us how we do it Out of crudeness and not curiosity They say two wrongs don’t make a right Just like two holes are puzzles pieces that don’t fit It disgusts me, their smirk, but at least I have Something to be angry at instead of her Lesbian. I finally came out as lesbian. It only took me twenty years. When I finally fell for a girl for the first time, I felt everything I had began to suspect I was incapable of. It was freeing and exhilarating, yet the relationship was tainted by both of our past pains, some of which had to do with homophobia, some of which had not. I lost her as suddenly as I found her. So, I tried to blame our destruction on all the external factors because there's something about letting go of your first girl that brings out the most intoxicating desperation in you. The opening and closing stanzas of the poem insert the voices of males who fetishise lesbianism to critique this fetishisation, while the rest of the poem explores how trauma created love languages that stem from hurt, fear, and even shame. At the end of the day, this is a story about two people who grew up with terrible examples of how to love, one of whom is not coping very well with the mistakes that cost her what could have been. Biography: Jessica Shuran Yu is studying English and creative writing at Fordham University at Lincoln Centre, where she writes a column focusing on LGBTQ+ and feminist issues. When she's not stressing about her writing, she can be found spending way too much money on clothes or laughing at the most inappropriate times. Instagram: @_jessicayu_ Cover Photo Source: Shonda Land

TW: implied gender dysphoria and transphobia Ma used to tell me about goddesses on earth and the souls that wandered just above. “I hear they are free, but they come back for us in the shape of trees and seas and doves.” I’d watch the sculptures sitting by the stove and try to catch the clay turning into wood. I was quite jealous of the goddesses, of how they changed all the time, in ways I wished I could. A body of a goddess is so impermanent – giver of life, carrier of it too. “Please, goddess,” I said at night, “tell me how to change, how to be like you.” She must have loved me, or maybe she heard them when they said, “It betrays her.” Perhaps she felt guilty for putting us in these bodies or regretted what we were. The clay cracked before my eyes and I knew that she had heard my prayers. The sculpture ran off the counter and shattered on the floor and a figure rose out of the wreckage there. She was a woman now a man now neither and now all. They stood tall hit the ceiling broke the kitchen tile granted me a wish, exchanged a secret, and all I could do was smile. Author's Note: When I was in high school, I was open and honest about my identity as a queer, gender-non-conforming person. However, other Asian students often informed me that I was “betraying my culture” by being queer. At first, I was hurt by their words, but I soon found myself amused by this utterly ridiculous claim. I was raised in a Hindu household, where I heard stories about gods who often changed genders and loved other deities regardless of gender expression. This poem is both a fantasy about gender identity and the freedom to express it, and a response to the homophobia and transphobia I have seen from too many members of the South Asian community. Cover Photo Source: American Society of Plastic Surgeons

i. for penelope O web-weaver, you are in truth a wily woman, couched in the demeanour of an ideal wife. behind your loom you may cower, shirking from the suitors over which you have no power, these men who wreak rack and ruin upon your kingdom, who humiliate you in your husband’s house. even your scarcely-grown son seeks to silence you! Is speech not the business of men and men alone? Return at once to your sisyphean shroud! Let the grass grow over the ruins of your household, all you can do now is bide your time. the heart of a wife is locked behind the loom, weaving herself into her husband’s shadow. weaving herself into the ideal woman-- to be seen, but never heard. but beneath your facade beats the heart of a lover devoted-- will your Ulysses return, o Wife? the heart of a hero is transparent from his muthos-- he sleeps with goddesses, he outwits beasts, you sing prayers and praises so that the victor may come home, and sing in turn of fierce battles, galloping horses and guile, fields and earth where Troy once stood. yet the victor is absent; the hero famed for his mind forgets more and more his own. it is you who is left to silently pick up the pieces he left behind. ii. for philomela O sweet-tongued nightingale, fair sister of Procne, dear daughter of Pandion, how could you and your kin have foreseen the cruel fate that would befall you? how could you have known as you rejoiced when your sister was married off to the illustrious Thracian king? how could you have known as you kissed your father goodbye on the docks, the tears flowing down his face as he begged his son in law to protect you with a father’s love? poor girl-- it was not your sister vile Tereus truly longed for. The wolf lunges at the lamb and claws at her jugular The trembling dove bleeds shame and guilt, feathers and fear stain the grass outside the tower The woods are filled With the cry of a girl violated, Run through with red thread against her will. Tereus now unsheathes his sword Ties her hands behind her back He will allow her no longer to cry out for her father for her sister for anyone. (her tongue’s root quivers, the rest of it lays dead on the grass.) sweet swallow, your throat drips red with grief! O nightingale, what has he done to you? (Was she not asking for it?) (Should she not have obeyed him?) (Who is she to have refused the will of a king?) (Who is she to have refused the will of a master?) (Who is she to have refused the will of a man?) O what would your severed tongue say if only it were able? to your sister you sent a tapestry, a message, weaving the words of hurt and anger burning inside your heart. O tongueless nightingale, thou wast not born for death, immortal bird! they may cut out your tongue, but they may never take your voice. iii. for echo O silver-tongued nymph, (loose-tongued, Juno would call you--) she whose gifts of speech are powerful enough to fool even the queen of the Gods, is it not inevitable that you are the one to suffer for her husband’s infidelity? how tragic then-- that men may be decorated for their gifted tongues, that men may dare to challenge their deities and tell their own tales, yet the power is stripped from yours. O scorned lover! your words belong no longer to you. unseen and scarcely heard, in shame you trail a man who loves naught but himself. and you are a girl no longer, only a fleeting image wasting away in the hills, a lost love, a shadow of reflected form. you are garrulous still, but gifted no longer. your body may be intact, yet nonetheless, you have been transformed-- once a speaker, now a man’s mouthpiece. (fear not, echo--your voice endures yet, while the man who spurns you wilts away, his once-beautiful body rotting into nothing. and you? your body may be air, your bones shapes of stone, but you are sound itself; it is sound that lives in you.) iv. for cassandra O truth-speaker, what is it the men call you? HYSTERICAL DELUDED PRATTLING WHINING MAD SHRILL STROPPY NAGGING (the list goes ever on.) O cursed clairvoyant, when you defied the advances of Phoebus Apollo, you could not have avoided paying the price. after all, is it not well-known how these stories go? how can a girl defy a god? (now he grabs you and spits in your mouth,) (now your brothers are dead and your city is in flames.) (o cassandra--i cannot help but wonder-- if women wrote the stories, might someone have listened? might you have met a different fate?) v. for you O girl, how does it feel to live in a world built on your bones, to speak in a world where stories are written in your own blood? transform or be transformed, for there is no justice for the victim when the oppressor holds the scales. to them, your voice is nothing more than birdsong; if not to please them, then only as victim or martyr are you heard. dear girl, do the men still bar you from speaking in the forum? for willfully does the west worship its forefathers-- but what of their foremothers? Must we let them be silenced still? Remember. femininity does not preclude power-- your strength is not tempered by your sex. your body is neither weak nor feeble; you need not the heart nor stomach of a king. Remember: you are more than just a body (just as you are more than a voice.) you are a girl, yes, and a goddess too-- they shall never truly silence you. - Talola John ‘When it comes to silencing women, Western culture has had thousands of years of practice,’ the classicist Mary Beard writes in her 2017 manifesto Women and Power. The continued supression of women is a tragedy that can be linked back to the Western obsession with misogynistic classical ideals--in short, the sexism of then is the sexism of now. This epistolary poem, inspired by the manifesto, seeks to interrogate various female figures in Greek and Roman literature,--from Homer's Odyssey to Ovid's Metamorphoses--and to interrogate the role of women in the patriarchal structure that these stories were created within. Biography: Talola is an Indian-Australian university student and an aspiring writer, illustrator and comic artist. She is deeply passionate about history, literature and the world she lives in. Cover Photo Source: https://web.colby.edu/ovid-censorship/censorship-in-ovids-myths/philomela-ovid-silencing-censorship/

Dear Asian Youth, they chipped away at me. took up their mighty chisels and hammers, used their olympian strength and godly fingertips to shape who i should be, how i should act, what i should think. they said be curvy but not plus-sized. they said look exotic but have big eyes, pale skin, blond hair. they said try to be more confident but we’ll think you’re bossy in the end. they said be a woman, and we’ll strike you down every single day. they chipped away at me. and sometimes i like to remember that each terracotta warrior was made uniquely, each mustache, suit of armor, stern expression, was created to be unique, beautiful, strong. and then i remember that i was not made in the same way because they carved me to be one of many. the same small-eyed, mathematically inclined, future doctor sculpture, just one out of a million. they chipped away at me. now with unwelcome gazes and piercing catcalls. they carved me to suit their purposes. they sanded me down to mere labels and functions, pretty or ugly, smart or dumb, easy or hard to get. they pillaged and stole pieces of my body from me. so slowly, so cleverly, so methodically. that i hardly realized i was reduced to a ruin. they chipped away at me. put their hands to their eyes and pulled them thin, their doughy grins stretching too. and then i understood that you don’t look like us meant we will never let you be like us and you can’t possibly be american meant you will never be american to us and your eyes are so small meant you will never be an individual to us. and i understood that asian-american meant dangerously foreign, forever. they chipped away at me. reduced me to rubble and vacuumable bits. they thought they could pound me into nothing. they forgot what i was really made out of. they forgot that with enough heat and pressure i would transform, awaken, strengthen. i would want to be entirely myself again. they chipped away at me. but then i took the chisel into my own hands and i began to sculpt myself. i ran my tools over every scar, curve, and blemish that I could find. then i said: this is who i am. small-eyed, thick thighs, stretch marks like bolts of lightning. this is who i am. a painter, and a mathematician, and an activist all in one body. this is who i am. chinese-american, born in salt lake city, from ann arbor. this is who i am. still learning to love myself, learning to trust others, learning to have more hope. this is who i am. a sculpture more magnificent than anything you could ever make. - Kaitlyn Fa

Trigger Warning: Sexual Harassment/Assault Dear Asian Youth, Back in 2016 (doesn’t it feels like ages ago?), a term was hugely popularized by the then-presidential candidate Donald Trump. Following a series of extremely disturbing recordings in which Trump was recorded saying, “Grab them by the p*ssy” among many other disturbing phrases; Trump denounced the recording publicly as “Locker Room Talk” in a presidential debate with Hilary Clinton. Locker room talk in the past was often associated with the inappropriate behavior of adolescent boys, but it has grown unaddressed to encompass men in positions of power, sitting presidents, and celebrities. It speaks to the morals of a society that excuses this behavior. Urban Dictionary all too nicely defines locker room talk as, “Any manner of conversation that polite society dictates be held privately - with small groups of like-minded, similarly gendered peers - due to its sexually charged language, situations, or innuendos.” Yet locker room talk has even greater far-reaching moral implications on our society and culture. As a former male athlete, who has been in many male-dominated spaces, I have unfortunately come across locker room talk in too many instances. Both in high school and college, I have had numerous encounters with male peers who would casually make a suggestive comment or objectify a female counterpart’s body. Yet, the most perplexing aspect is the fact that most of my peers knew it was wrong and continued to make such inappropriate comments. If there was even one female in the room the topic of conversation would immediately change. While in high school, I cannot count the innumerable number of times someone made a suggestive comment in passing. “She has a nice ass.” “I would so tap that”. These off-the-cuff comments disrespectfully objectify female peers. Sadly, it’s only after these extremely uncomfortable moments that I would often find myself wishing I had done more to stop those conversations. As someone who has long identified as a feminist and an ally, I wish I had known earlier why it was so incredibly wrong and what I could’ve done about it. In college, locker room talk became even more prevalent as I tried to navigate the complex social environment. In finding new friends, I often would come across similar comments or conversations with different people. I remember once talking about a school project with one of these “friends.” I mentioned I was working with a mutual female friend of ours when he made an off-the-cuff remark on her appearance. I confronted him on why he made such comments, to which he replied something along the lines of, “I can’t help it.” Much like the phrase “boys will be boys” this comment would also follow along the lines of catcalling and other problematic behaviors that have become widespread and normalized in society. As much as I have tried to understand and deconstruct this behavior, all I can really only think of is how society excuses this behavior and believes it to be “harmless.” In truth, “harmless” speech doesn’t objectify, dehumanize, or perpetuate violent actions against another person. Back in May, several boys in New Delhi, India were taken into custody over an Instagram chat that exchanged nude photos of girls. According to BBC, the group chat titled, “The Bois Locker Room” was screenshotted and shared widely across social media. The incident sparked mass outrage across the city, which has already been labeled as one of India’s most unsafe cities for women. A few weeks ago, my heart dropped as a similar incident happened in my hometown. As I was scrolling through my social media feed, I came across a thread exposing several boys from my former high school for participating in a group chat where they traded girls nudes with each other. The incredibly disturbing story gained a lot of traction as many more people began to share stories of sexual harassment at school. I personally have had several friends that have come forward to me about their experiences with sexual harassment and domestic abuse while in high school and college. I cannot speak for the level of trauma they faced, but I cannot deny the fact that there is a link between the culture around locker room talk and these incidents. Locker room talk perpetuates rape culture: Where societal or cultural attitudes normalize or trivialize sexual assault and abuse. When we excuse locker room talk, we allow men to associate women as sexual objects and people who exist solely for their own pleasure. The connection between locker room talk and sexual harassment can be explained by the Psychology Today article: What’s Wrong With Locker Room Talk? by Dr. Pamela B. Paresky. In the article, Paresky explains, “When men speak about women using ‘locker room talk,’ men are priming themselves to think of women as sex objects they can “grab” and to whom they can ‘do anything.’ Even if men don’t consciously think they have less respect for women as a result of engaging in or hearing these kinds of conversations, below the level of awareness, their brains are making associations.” Even those who are complicit in such incidents of locker room talk play a part in perpetuating these societal attitudes, which in the past, I, unfortunately, have been all too guilty of. When these comments were made, especially in high school, I would often find myself deflecting these comments by either becoming really quiet or disengaged. Sometimes, I would attempt to change the subject or say something general like “uhh whatever you say.” I figured that by ignoring and deflecting, it would just go away. This got even worse in college as I found myself navigating an even tougher social environment. My attempts to deflect and disengage often would have myself aggressively confronted over my clear discomfort of the discussion. In my first year of college, I simply wanted to get along with everyone and not be labeled the “sensitive one.” Looking back, I realize how it led to my own personal declining mental health as I constantly had to disassociate and process these awful comments my peers were making. I was dealing with extreme cognitive dissonance. This is where I began to understand the problematic nature of locker room talk. Excusing locker room talk dehumanizes women and creates associations of women as sexual objects which normalize sexual assault and harassment. In my head, I knew what my peers were saying was wrong and constantly having to tell myself that took a mental toll. I tried to talk to other friends about my issue with locker room talk. They would often acknowledge my discomfort, but continued to participate, even though they knew how harmful their actions were. It’s hard explaining to someone why they should care, especially when it doesn’t directly affect or bring harm to them. I wish I had understood then what I know now. I eventually went on to find new friends, which got me involved in a women empowerment organization and finding the opportunity to speak out against subjects such as locker room talk. Actively engaging my community in conversations about the negative implications it has on our society. We live in an age of information. A single post, a tweet, or conversation can reach millions of people in seconds. We need to understand that our words carry weight. Our words carry influence, and our words matter. Locker room talk is clearly wrong, and even those that participate in it know it, however, many do not know the great consequences of participating and enabling this behavior. It’s not enough to just ignore this behavior. We have to actively engage and fight it by intervening when locker room talk happens. Asking a person why they are making such demeaning comments. Educating others on why it's wrong, and how it’s not just “harmless” conversation. In light of the #MeToo movement, there has been a growing narrative of how men in our culture view and treat women and how our cultural racist and sexist biases perpetuate rape culture. This cannot be more exemplified by the fact that our current president has engaged in this behavior. In the end, not participating in locker room talk comes down to respect and integrity. Respect for one’s body, safety, and autonomy. The belief that no person should be treated or spoken about in a dehumanizing and degrading fashion. The integrity to stand up for what is right even behind closed doors. Locker room talk perpetuates rape culture, further normalizes demeaning language. What we say no matter how seemingly “harmless” it may seem at the moment has far-reaching consequences in our cultural and societal attitudes. - Chris Fong Chew

Dear Asian Youth, I have never been a huge fan of Halloween. I love the concept of acknowledging the supernatural, receiving free candy, feeling the rush of adrenaline, and indulging in the youthful spirit of it, but dressing up has always been the most difficult part. Part of this is attributed to my indecisiveness; the other part is attributed to the struggle as a child to see myself in any character, due to the lack of Asian representation in western media. I have been a bumble bee, a cat, and a bunny for Halloween, for it was easier to dress up as an animal than try to find a character that looked like me. The few Asians represented in shows or movies play the role of the 'token Asian character.' You probably know the one I am talking about. It’s played by the same handful of stars. This character is probably shy and cares only about academics or is the airhead to “defy stereotypes” or even has a heavy accent. Their main struggle tends to be that their parents want them to be a doctor. Rarely are Asians the protagonist, dealing with teen angst while waiting for their coming of age moment and seeking love. One might argue that this iota of representation is better than having none at all. However, it does more harm than good. By reinforcing harmful stereotypes, the token Asian character continues to teach growing generations that Asians are limited to strict parents and playing the piano, while their white counterparts are portrayed as complex characters, heroes, with deep emotions who are allowed to have failures and enjoy the naivety of youth. Proper representation is extremely important to exhibit to BIPOC children that they can be anything they strive to-- that people that look like them have accomplished the goals they hold. Additionally, the media people grow up on influences how they see others. Adding more diverse narratives introduces more cultures to the west, reducing the foreignity of Asian foods and clothes to ultimately help diminish xenophobia. Thus, proper representation reveals to white people that it is not abnormal to see BIPOC as the main character of their own stories, so the token Asian character does not reflect itself in real life as the token Asian friend of the group. A common misconception is that Asians should take the stereotypes as a compliment. We are assumed to be naturally smart and quiet. Despite its seemingly positive connotations, it is more of a backhanded compliment. According to the National Center for Education, the national average dropout rate is 5.4%. For the Nepalese, the dropout rate is 19.6% and for the Burmelese, 27.5%. The stereotype extenuates the model minority myth (reference our podcast for further information) and ignores struggles that Asians face, such as intergenerational trauma and economic disadvantages, that negatively affect their academics. If Asians want to be represented in movies and shows, then why do they not just make their own? Parasite, the academy award-winning best picture, best director, best original screenplay, and best foreign language film in 2019 is a South Korean film that is available for streaming on Hulu. When Hulu’s Twitter account marketed the movie, user @frentecivico called it a “[p]athetic movie” and user @davegardiner11 stated in defense to Hulu’s reply that “[i]t’s not in English, no one wants to watch a movie that they literally have to read to understand what’s going on.” Criticism for Parasite lies not in that it is in a foreign language but that it is in a non-white foreign language. Amour, a French film nominated for best picture in 2012 did not receive the same complaints from Americans. There are few Asian artists shown in the media. Recently KPOP has had a large increase in American popularity. Yet while artists, such as Harry Styles and Timothee Chalamet are applauded for breaking gender norms, KPOP idols have been doing it for years and are mocked in western media for their femininity. Therefore, even when Asians are properly represented in the media, they are subject to the blatant racism and xenophobia from the West. Furthermore, Asian storylines become whitewashed. For instance, Ghost in the Shell is a Japanese manga that was turned into a Hollywood movie. Who landed the starring role? Caucasian (I mean it does have Asian in it) Scarlett Johansson. Annihilation writes the protagonist as Asian descent, but the movie casts Natalie Portman. Thus, even when Asian storylines are created, they are whitewashed and diminished, reducing the already rare employment opportunities for Asian actors. If white people can play Asians, then why do Asians never fulfill white roles? Again, this goes back to racism. Diversity has been increasing as time progresses. However, many of these accounts of Asian representation are watered down, featuring many non-full Asian actors or those that are white passing. For example, Crazy Rich Asians debuted in 2018, a romantic comedy that combines Chinese culture and stunning cinematography. Henry Golding plays the male lead and Sonoya Minuzo plays the supporting role: both are only half Asian, despite their characters being full. The first time I have ever seen myself in a teen romantic comedy was when To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before released on Netflix in 2018. While the starring actress, Lana Condor, is fully Vietnamese, her character is half-white. The lack of full Asian leads is a result of and contributes to Eurocentric beauty standards, destroying the self-confidence of the Asian youth watching. On a positive note, there is Southeast Asian representation with the 2020 Netflix show Never Have I Ever. The Half of It is a Netflix coming of age movie that not only features Asian representation but also LGBTQ+ representation. A common theme with these films and shows is that stereotypes are not the sole basis and were created by Asian writers. Thus, Asian writers and directors should be employed to properly create and represent our narratives. Despite the surge of Asian representation, most movies and shows tend to feature the most commonly known Asian ethnicities for their characters, such as Chinese and Korean. However, Asia consists of diverse countries and cultures that also deserve to be displayed, creating relatability for their corresponding audience. While Asian representation is limited, it does not mean that as Asians we have the right to infringe on other BIPOC representation. For example, a TikTok went viral of Vietnamese American Jessica Genadry explaining why she believes she should play Katara, an Inuit character, in the live action series of Avatar: The Last Airbender. Although people pointed out the ethnic difference, Jessica Genadry argued that it does not matter since the character is fictional. With most cartoons this argument proves valid, such as Halle Bailey, a Black woman, playing Ariel in The Little Mermaid. Even then, the casting received heavy criticism, as if changing the race of a mermaid affects the story. However, the characters in Avatar: The Last Airbender were based upon certain cultures like the Inuit and ignoring it would erase a significant part of the story. Contrary to what she said, she even mentioned in her original video that she was Vietnamese, believing that would contribute to the validity of her “audition.” As Asians, we should use Jessica Genadry as an example: to not dismiss the representation of others in the name of representation for ourselves and holding ourselves accountable when called out. At least this Halloween, thanks to Coronavirus, I will not have to decide who to dress up as, since I cannot relate to any characters. The selection is already limited for us Asians, choosing a fish from the pond instead of the ocean. I know that I am so much more than the “nerdy sidekick.” I have character depth: ranging from my love of expressing creativity to dreading my math class, from enjoying what nature has to offer to exploring my emotional complexities, and from spending time socializing to watching movies and TV shows that will hopefully one day feature a reflection of me. - Tia Nguyen

My catechism teacher once pulled me out into the hallway to recite the lord’s prayer and scripture flowed from my mouth as it did a million times before, my mind barely touching the stream as the words skimmed past, weaving slowly through the crevices of my tiny fingers like summer honey. Who knew how hard it’d be to grasp something so sticky, but the taste of prayer lingered on my lips from childhood to adolescence, I drank the wine at eight years old from a cup wiped clean of any sign my lips had touched it and I never could scrub away the glimmering words of a god I had never met. I memorized parables and prayers, even if I never understood their meaning; I remember watching my grandfather die in the house I grew up in so vividly because I knew innately, in the doorway as he heaved his final phrases that I can’t recall, six years old yet aged in an instant, that it was wrong to feel so much nothingness. But today instead of wondering if his dying breath still lingers in those old hallways, I wonder if my Sunday school shoes are still buried in the back of my bedroom closet. I never feared death, but for all the wrong reasons. The house used to paint the soles of my feet black, the residue of collected dust and dirt coating my innocence over and over itself again Begging to be saved, or at least salvaged- I’d wash it all away in our tub and watch the darkened water flow into the drain in dizzying spirals, wondering if this could be transformed into the same wine that became part of me. I am half Sylvia Plath, starved by my own caution at the hanging boughs of fig trees; the endless opportunities that stretch at my fingertips; an indecisive Tantalus growing restless by the minute and half Jesus, cursing the fig tree myself, the residue of his sacrifice dripping on my tongue I have never lived for myself I don’t know how to repent for that- One of the figs was a cathedral, the beacon of what might have been. Another was sin without burden, complete departure from stained glass windows and church pews, A step into philosophies unexplored in my young heart But I never chose; consigned to a meandering Limbo, starved. A sin in and of itself. Retribution in four years time, Try sixteen; a barely-there portrait of A woman with little life behind the eyes, When will my body start feeling more like a temple and less like a burial ground? I am not the visage of the lord I kneel before, though created in his image I taste of nothingness, not bread and bible pages, not the tartness of wine, Can I be forgiven for that? I can pray for forgiveness from every patron saint, from every omnipotent iteration of God, from cross to pew but to forgive myself for everything I did not become, everything I failed to be? Scripture is a haunting tune; lyrics without a melody Guilt has been knit into the marrow of my bones And I mourn all I used to be. I am my own holy martyr, My own patron saint, My own God, But I still wonder, in my moments before waking on Sunday mornings, if I am worth veneration. Cover Photo Source: https://www.metmuseum.org/art/collection/search/437855

Dear Asian Youth, The pandemic has changed almost every aspect of our lives. Here are some major events in humanity’s journey to fighting COVID-19: December 31, 2019: First pneumonia case of unknown origin in Hubei, China. January 10, 2020: The World Health Organization (WHO) identifies the coronavirus with reference to SARS (Severe acute respiratory syndrome) and MERS (Middle East respiratory syndrome), in addition to assessing tools and devising plans. January 11-12, 2020: China releases the coronavirus genome, enabling others to develop diagnostic kits across the world. January 13, 2020: Incubation period of coronavirus identified as 14 days. January 13, 2020: Thailand's Ministry of Public Health announced that they have the first case of the coronavirus outside of China. January 23, 2020: Quarantine placed on Wuhan, China, restricting travel both in and out. January 30, 2020: The World Health Organization declares the coronavirus a public health emergency of international concern. February 11, 2020: The World Health Organization names this strand of coronavirus, COVID-19. February to March 2020: Additional preparedness efforts are put in place such as handwashing techniques, training of doctors and nurses, and monetary and supplemental donations to medical personnel. March 3, 2020: Shortage of protective equipment for health workers is at its peak. The WHO estimates that industries must increase manufacturing by 40% to meet demands. March 10, 2020: Elderly people identified as a high-risk group for COVID-19. March 11, 2020: WHO categorizes COVID-19 as a pandemic. March 19, 2020: Governor of California, Gavin Newsom enables statewide stay-at-home order. March 20, 2020: Director-General announces that young people are not immune to the virus and that COVID-19 still has the power to hospitalize younger generations; Andrew Cuomo, governor of New York, announces statewide stay-at-home order. March 23, 2020: United Kingdom Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, announces a stay-at-home order, closing down all non-essential shops and services More than 10 U.S. states issue various levels of lockdowns. April 13, 2020: Under WHO’s guidance, experts come together to aid in expediting the availability of a vaccine. June 13, 2020: A new cluster (>100 cases) of COVID-19 cases discovered in Beijing, China. June 16, 2020: WHO reports dexamethasone, an anti-inflammatory medicine, can drastically reduce mortality in critically ill patients. July 3, 2020: The U.S. reports over 55,000 new cases, marking a new daily record. July 9 to 14, 2020: Global coronavirus cases increase by 1 million. In the 200 plus days since the first case was identified, COVID-19 has put scientists around the world to understanding and treating this disease. From research COVID-19, also known as the novel coronavirus, has been identified as a respiratory disease. Despite common misconceptions, the term “coronavirus” is not a disease, but rather a family of viruses ranging from the common cold to SARS and MERS- thus the early rumor that COVID-19 had a mortality rate similar to the flu. The virus, severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV-2), causes the disease we now know as COVID-19. COVID-19 is spread through respiratory droplets from coughing, sneezing, and talking. Therefore when taking precautionary measures, many have recommended the use of masks to slow the range that these droplets can travel in the air. Masks act as a sort of “filter” to particles of water, bodily fluid, and other molecules to decrease the force and prevent foreign particles from entering. Due to the nature of SARS-CoV-2, both to humanity’s advantage and disadvantage, it is simultaneously easy and difficult to control. Because it is a virus, it only has an outer protective protein coat that can easily be denatured by soap and other forms of cleaning. However, unlike bacteria, they have a core of genetic material that can reprogram cells in its host. This means that antibiotics, the medicine used to kill bacteria, do not work. And as of now, there is no vaccine for COVID-19, so we are relying on the body’s immune system with the aid of modern technology. People with underlying medical conditions and the elderly are most vulnerable to COVID-19 due to their weakened immune systems. The virus can compromise the body, thus causing the person to fall ill. In the elderly, those 85 and older are most at risk, but as a general rule, the older a person is, the more vulnerable they are. As of July 15, 2020, there were 13,397,167 total recorded cases1 in more than 177 countries. More specifically, in the United States, there is a skyrocketing rise in COVID-19 cases- with no real foreseeable “peak”. Despite this alarming rate, many citizens have chosen to disregard lockdown policies, ignore blatant pleas from the public to wear masks, and constantly meet in crowded areas. Oftentimes, an excuse to not wear a face mask is that they make it “hard to breathe.” Though masks may be uncomfortable, according to the American Lung Association (and numerous educational Tik Toks), masks do not lower oxygen levels in the body and do not weaken the immune system. However, possibly most upsetting, is news that President Donald Trump announced that hospitals should no longer report COVID-19 cases to the National Healthcare Safety Network site. He had previously tweeted, “Cases, Cases, Cases! If we didn’t test so much and so successfully, we would have very few cases” and that the media enjoys reporting on the growing cases but doesn’t report the “mortality rate go[ing] down”. By collecting less data, there are less reported cases, however, they still exist as cases regardless. This blatant ignorance is an extremely detrimental act against America. Making statistics unclear and creating unreliable information that the American people look to alternatively creates a sense of false hope that cases are decreasing when research shows otherwise. Currently, the United States is leading with the most COVID-19 cases in the world, more than 15 times that of China and six times that of Spain and Italy, the previous epicenters of the pandemic. The reason for America’s failure in controlling the virus has stemmed from multiple issues including high uninsured rates, astronomical out-of-pocket costs required, and low medical capacity. If the people do not have medical insurance and are required to pay the skyrocketing costs of medical bills, it is commonplace to ignore symptoms and not get tested or hospitalized for the sake of their wallets. This provides insufficient data on the true numbers of people who have the virus, adding to those who are not reported due to having any or mild symptoms. On the flip side, those who are willing to seek medical attention may find themselves with minimal care as resources run short. As America eventually realized its faults, it was too late. States began to close down businesses and enact stay-at-home orders to hopefully slow the spread of SARS-CoV-2, but enough damage had been done. Accompanied by the American people’s lack of respect for the severity and conspiracy surrounding the disease, cases have surged and continue to rage with no foreseeable end. On a brighter note, however, there has been research to develop a vaccine against COVID-19 and three companies have brought promising results. According to the New York Times, each vaccine is “produc[ing] strong immune responses with only minor side effects”. Despite this, scientists cautioned that this means varied antibody responses for each individual and do not guarantee immunity for all. Oxford, the most advanced company that was the first to test on a large scale, found that the vaccine may require a booster shot as it shows the most promising immunity responses with it. They are hoping to develop the vaccine by manipulating the harmless adenovirus so it mimics the coronavirus and creates an immune response. None of the trials have been able to measure results for more than a few weeks so it is difficult to provide reliable information regarding the long effects. Overall, our miracle is far from around the corner. Regardless of your background, race, age, sexuality, political party, as a human on planet Earth, protect yourself and others. Death knows no bias, so please educate yourself and your loved ones. - Allison Li

Trigger warning: suicidal thoughts Wesley wanted to scream. His parents were fighting again. Last week, it was about not cleaning the bathroom properly. This time, it was about visiting family. Even through his closed bedroom door, he could hear their shouting. “You say I never visit your side of the family,” his mom shouted, “but when I want to go, you say you’re busy!” “You can’t tell me the day of!” his dad shot back. “Do you just expect me to drop everything I’m doing? You can go by yourself!” “That’s not the point! I want you to come with me, and you won’t make the time!” “Oh, of course it’s all my fault, and you’re playing the victim like you always do!” This would go on forever. There was no way Wes was going to get any homework done. High school was hard enough without the drama at home. At least his younger brother and sister were out with friends. They didn’t need to hear any of this. Their parents usually did a good job of keeping their tempers in check around Peter and Melanie. But the tension was there, like a pot of water simmering on the stove. All it took was something to turn up the heat and cause the water to boil over. Wes had seen his parents erupt at each other over and over again. They didn’t try to be as careful when it was just him in the house. Maybe they thought he was old enough to handle it, or maybe he was just so quiet that they forgot their filters. He never got between them when they fought, but he still felt like he was caught in the middle. He might as well have been invisible. He needed to get away from his parents and the toxic environment they created in their fights. Wes would’ve bet that all of his gray hairs were because of his parents and not school. After changing into running clothes, Wes went downstairs to the kitchen, which also doubled as his parents’ battlefield. His mom was at the sink, washing dishes. She picked up a knife, and Wes feared she would wield it as a weapon. His dad wiped the counter, but there was one stain that wouldn’t come out no matter how much he tried. They launched words at each other like bullets, the air thick with anger. Wes grabbed his keys and muttered, “I’m going for a run,” more to himself than to them. They paid him no mind. As he said—invisible. After inserting his earbuds and selecting his running playlist on his phone, he took off. The music blasted in his ears and drowned out the other noises in his head. He kept running and didn’t stop, even when he got to the park. His focus was just to keep moving. If he stopped, he would start thinking, and he didn’t want to think about anything right now. Wes’s feet struck the path that curved around the park. His heart beat faster to keep up with him. Blood roared in his ears, and sweat rolled down his neck and back. Someone might have waved at him in passing, but he didn’t pay attention. He ignored the other runners, the couples having picnics, and the parents pushing their kids on the swings. God, why are there so many people here? Why do they all look so happy? If his parents were here, they would plaster on fake smiles. They should win an Oscar for how well they acted in public versus at home. Wes’s friends always commented on how perfect his family was, but they didn’t know the truth. They only saw what was projected to them—the warm greetings, the compliments, the food that was laid out before them when they came over. His friends were an audience that cared only for the movie and not what went on behind the scenes. Wes slowed down to a jog before coming to a complete stop. He planted his hands on his thighs to catch his breath. So much for not thinking. He took a few gulps from a nearby drinking fountain. A shaded spot under a nearby tree called out to him. Wes paused his music, plopped down on his back, and closed his eyes. A dog barked in the distance, its owner trying to calm it down. A woman on the phone asked the other person if they were still on for brunch tomorrow. An earthy and sharp scent that could only be weed wafted past him. That was his cue to snap back to the present. Wes opened his eyes and sat up, wrapping his arms around his legs. A breeze blew through the park, cooling his skin. Clouds drifted lazily across the sky. A few flowers poked their heads out of the ground, heralding the start of the new season. Spring was supposed to be the season of new beginnings, but his mind felt trapped in ice and snow. So much had changed with his parents. Perhaps it was always bad with them, but he only recognized it when he got older. He was supposed to be worried about passing his classes and going on dates, not the drama with his parents. Graduation was two months away, but he dreaded it more than anything. He wanted to move out and figure out how to be independent, but that would mean leaving his parents and not being there if things got worse. He thought about all the different ways someone could be considered an adult—a girl getting her first period, a bright-eyed 16-year-old brandishing their new driver’s license. Or graduating high school and moving out, as Wes mentioned before. It could be landing your first full-time job. Maybe it was going to the bar with a real ID and ordering your first legal alcoholic drink after turning 21. Those were all plausible. Those were all normal. For Wes, it was none of the above. He became an adult when his parents stopped loving each other. Once upon a time, they were in love. They had a whirlwind romance filled with bouquets, handwritten letters, and secret rendezvouses in the middle of the night. They got married, bought a house, had three kids—everything they ever wanted. Then it all changed. In a cruel twist of irony, being together is what caused them to fall out of love. The first time Wes noticed it was when he was ten. He had woken up in the middle of the night and wanted a glass of water. At the top of the stairs, he heard his parents talking. His mom said their marriage was more tiring than rewarding. His dad said they had to stay together for the kids, and his mom agreed. And then it turned into an argument about how much money the other person spent that week. Minor disagreements turned into vicious spats filled with the very words his parents told him to never say. Sometimes, his mom and dad wouldn’t talk to each other for days, and it made family dinners more than awkward. About three years ago, his dad started sleeping in the guest bedroom downstairs. He said he preferred it because it was cooler, and Wes believed him. But when winter came, he didn’t go back to his old room. Now, Wes knew better. Now, he knew that they couldn’t even stand to share the same bed. His heart hurt for them. Seeing them act so coldly toward each other twisted his insides. “Wes?” He looked up. His cousin, Nina, stood in front of him, taking a sip from her boba. She wore a blue denim jacket over a yellow dress that fluttered in the wind. Her blonde-streaked hair was tied up in a ponytail. She looked more ready for spring than Wes felt. “I saw you while I was walking. I waved, but you looked like you were on your way to beat someone up.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Sorry. A lot on my mind.” He paused. “My parents are fighting again.” Nina peeled off her denim jacket and spread it on the grass. She sat down next to him and offered him her drink. “Wanna talk about it?” Nina was a few months younger than Wes. They practically grew up together. Their adventures consisted of saving each other from talkative aunts, doing homework together, and consoling the other with sushi and ice cream when they went through a breakup. Their close bond was a result of being each other’s given and chosen family, a privilege not many shared. She was his best friend and the only person who knew about his parents. Wes swirled the boba, peering at the tapioca pearls as if they held the answers to all his problems. He drank some and handed it back to Nina. “I just needed to get out of there.” “More yelling and no talking?” “You know it. They’re Asian—they don’t talk about their emotions, so they don’t know how to process their emotions when they’re feeling emotional. They just go straight to unfiltered anger. Very healthy.” Wes loved his parents, but they were not his go-to role models on how to express feelings. They told him boys didn’t cry, which made him feel bad when he did cry. The only time he’s seen them shed any tears is when they cut onions. It took him years to reconcile the fact that it was okay to be upset, no thanks to his parents. “If only they would go to therapy or marriage counseling,” Nina said. “And pay all that money to talk to a stranger about their problems?” Wes scoffed. “You might as well tell them to buy toilet paper at somewhere other than Costco.” “Do you think they’ll get a divorce?” Had anyone else asked that question, Wes would have gotten defensive. Then again, no one suspected there were problems to begin with that even warranted consideration for a divorce. He was grateful he could drop the facade with Nina. She also had a traditional upbringing, so she understood how he felt for the most part. There were parts of her life she had to hide from her parents. They expected her to marry a man who could support her, but she had no interest in that. Wes was her confidant, and Nina was his. Wes shook his head. “No, it wouldn’t be practical for either of them. My dad makes sure the house and the cars are in top condition, and my mom cooks all the food. Without him, she’d be stranded on the side of the freeway. And without her, he’d starve. Logistically, they need each other to survive.” “How romantic,” Nina deadpanned. When he was twelve, Wes’s mom had picked him up from school. After they pulled into their house, his mom asked, “If your dad and I got divorced, who would you want to live with?” The question was a punch to the gut. She had said it so casually, too, in the same tone a mother would ask their kid what flavor ice cream they wanted. He told her he couldn’t answer that and ran to his room before she could ask again. A child walked by with his parents, holding on to their hands. His squeals of laughter rang through the park as they lifted him off the ground. A spark of envy shot through Wes. It gnawed at him every time he saw a happy family. He wanted to go back to being a blissfully ignorant kid. He missed taking naps and running around the house without a care in the world. He missed his parents watching movies together and taking them all out to eat. “There’s something I need to tell you,” Wes said abruptly, startling Nina. He gripped the grass beneath him. “Do you want me to just listen or offer my opinion afterward?” That question changed the game of their relationship when they first used it last year. Sometimes, you just needed to vent and not be talked down with logic and reason. “Listen, please.” Wes took a deep breath. “A few weeks ago, my parents were fighting again. Three days later, they still hadn’t said a word to each other. My mom went to work, and I was watching TV with my dad. Out of nowhere, he told me he hates fighting with her. He still cares about her but thinks she doesn’t feel the same way. He feels like she takes him for granted.” Wes yanked out clumps of grass as he spoke, watching them fly away in the wind. He had kept the next part to himself. The thought of sharing it made him nauseous. But if Wes didn’t tell Nina, it would fester and kill him from the inside. He stared straight ahead. It was easier than looking Nina in the eye. “My dad said there are times when he just wants to get in his car and drive to a cliff.” Nina tensed beside him. He tried to keep his voice steady, but he could already feel it cracking. “And… And he… He thinks about jumping off.” Whatever wall Wes thought he had built to ignore that day crumbled into dust. There was no way anyone could ignore that. Pretending otherwise was a short-term solution for an ongoing problem. If it were a movie, this would be the part where the mom walks in and asks what’s wrong, and the dad shares his feelings, and they reconcile, and they all live happily ever after. But this was real life. “Wes,” Nina started. She clamped her mouth shut, remembering his request to just listen. But that didn’t stop the tears from forming in her eyes. His dad was her family, too; this affected her almost as much as it did him. She scooted closer and wrapped her arms around him. He sank into her hug. As much as it hurt to relive the memory, the tightness in his body uncoiled when he told her. Nina let go, and he finished the story. “I just sat there. I was trying to process what he told me at nine in the fucking morning.” He sighed. “Then I got pissed. I yelled at him. I said, ‘Seriously? If you kill yourself, what about the rest of us? What about Melanie and Peter and your siblings and the rest of your family? You would be so selfish.’” Wes ran his hands down his face. “He didn’t say anything. He told me to wash the dishes. Can you believe him? Acting like he hadn’t just dropped the worst truth bomb in history. Afterward, I went to my room and cried. Mel heard me and asked what was wrong. I told her my friend’s dog died, and I wasn’t taking it well.” He shook his head. “And that was that. My dad hasn’t brought it up since. Now I’m worried that every time they fight, he’s going to get in his car and not come back.” “I’m sorry, Wes,” said Nina, her voice almost a whisper. “That is… Never mind, you know what it is. Why didn’t you tell me?” He shrugged. “I wanted to ignore it. If I said it out loud, then it would mean it actually happened, that my dad has those thoughts. I wasn’t ready for it to be real. But it hurt more to hold it in.” Nina nodded. “I totally understand. Thank you for telling me.” “Wanna know what else sucks? He was honest about his emotions for once, but he told the wrong person! I’m sick of being their emotional garbage can. If he tried to share that with my mom, I know it would blow up into another fight. If they would just communicate with each other, things would be so different. Things would be better.” That’s what he wanted to believe, anyway. “I know you told me to just listen, but this is serious.” She stared into him. “You have to talk to them, for their sake and yours.” In Wes’s head, he knew she was right, but his heart was still in denial. “What if it leads to another fight?” Nina tucked a stray hair behind her ear. “It very well might, but what if it also leads to change? Isn’t it worth trying at the risk of failing instead of not doing anything and letting it get worse than it already is?” She squeezed his arm. “They’re your family, Wes. You shouldn’t have to go through this. Melanie and Peter are going to figure it out eventually if something isn’t done.” Her words caused something to click inside Wes. It was the feeling of putting in the last puzzle piece after days of toiling away at it. He had always viewed the situation as just his parents with him caught in the middle. Peter and Mel were on the periphery, safely tucked away from the toxicity. They were in middle school, but they were so much more perceptive for their age. It was only a matter of time before they discovered the truth; Wes suspected they had inklings that something was going on. He didn’t want them to go through the same stress that he had. Lying to them wasn’t protecting them; it was just delaying the inevitable. It was his job as their older brother to prepare them and be honest with them. All this time, Wes had been searching for a reason to take action, and now, he finally found it. “I know that glint in your eye,” Nina said with a smile. “You got this.” Wes hugged his cousin. “Thank you, Nina. You’re the best.” She tossed her ponytail. “And don’t you forget it. Call me after?” “Will do. Wish me luck.” Wes had declined Nina’s offer of a ride and ran back home. He wanted a few more minutes to himself to process what he and his cousin had discussed. There wasn’t time to shower and change into clothes that weren’t covered in sweat and grass. Wes had to do this now before he lost the courage. His parents were still in the kitchen. The silence between them was louder than their argument this morning. His mom was taking inventory of the fridge and writing a shopping list of groceries to buy. She tapped the pen against her lips. Her raven hair fell to her shoulders. She sported the new maroon cardigan Wes had bought her for her birthday. Instead of saying thank you, his mom scolded him for wasting his money on her, but she wore it often. She pulled out a carton of eggs to look inside, and Wes saw the arms that had held him and his siblings. His dad sat at the dining table with his laptop, browsing car parts on Amazon. His calloused fingers prodded and swiped at the screen. Tufts of hair poked out from his otherwise bald head. He wore a faded t-shirt and shorts from before Wes was born that he refused to get rid of. According to him, if it wasn’t ripped or transparent, it was still wearable. He squinted at the small text of the screen, forgetting he could enlarge it. Wes spotted the wrinkles around his eyes, formed from years of laughter and worry for his children. Wes loved them with all his heart, but things needed to change. He couldn’t count on either of his parents to extend an olive branch. He was tired of being the most emotionally aware person in the house. Being caught in the middle gave him ulcers, but it also put him in the unique position to be a mediator. If they weren’t going to go to a marriage counselor, he would play the part. He didn’t know where to start, but he felt like addressing his dad’s thoughts was a good launching point. Then they needed to talk to Melanie and Peter, who deserved to know more than anyone. It was a lot for a senior in high school to take on, but Wes was nothing if not determined. If he could help salvage the pieces of his family, then he would do everything he could. He wasn’t going to go into it with blind optimism, either. Some things were too broken to be fixed, and Wes had to be ready to accept that if it came to it. But one step at a time. “Mom? Dad?” They both looked at him, and he steeled himself. “We need to talk.” Note from the author: This piece is based on a friend’s true experience. He gave me permission to adapt it into a story. The goal was not to write something performative or derivative regarding thoughts of suicide. On the contrary, I wanted to highlight that anyone, even Asian parents who rarely discuss mental health, can struggle with mental health. Moreover, these battles not only affect the person experiencing them but their loved ones, as well. If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, consider talking to a friend, family member, or therapist. You can also contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, available 24/7, at 1-800-273-8255. For those outside the United States, follow this link for international hotlines. This is not intended to be a comprehensive list of available resources but merely a starting point. Editors: Nikki J., Emily X., Claudia L., Lillian H Cover source: https://bit.ly/3xZNvta